“The end will come much sooner than you think”
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Are you having visions about the end of the world? Or are you thinking you won’t get very old?
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Bit of both I think
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At least when the Armageddon is there you’ll be able to say ‘I told you so’.
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I believe in life after death, so I’m not that much impacted by that thought. But I know we don’t discuss that on this forum.
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I hope there isn’t an afterlife… not wating to come back. When I close my eyes, it must be over.
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I keep jumping to my death in my dreams. Probably because I’ve considered suicide by that method of action. It is always a dream within a dream though so i don’t wake up i just end up in the earlier dream.
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It’s the drugs that give us that flat feeling. I remember when they had me on 20mg zyprexa. Total zombie. Nothing mattered. I just did things out of old habit. But I’m down at 6.25mg now. I still have problems, but compared with how it was I can’t really complain. Maybe you should see if you can drop your dose a little, see if you can find that sweet spot taking just enough drugs without relapsing.
But even if you can’t now that doesen’t mean that things can’t change in the future.
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Something I used to do when I felt that way is taking a hot shower and sit in the tub and let the water go over me. Somehow it soothed me.
But I understand that feeling too well. Hope things brighten up for you soon.
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I do the exact same thing in the tub with the shower all the time. Somehow the sound of the water relaxes my thoughts and I’m able to think (somewhat) clearly about things.
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Some people wait there whole life for it to end.
Make it your goal to find something fun to do before that
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That sounds difficult to deal with.
My dreams are complicated
Sometimes I don’t remember them, and other times they can really hit me hard the next day
I wish people knew more about their function
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I am close to trying this.
There is no oversight from my pdoc, so I’d have to do it alone 
never give up, never surrender
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Sure, but you don’t give up, you go on. Life is going to get that way occasionally; it often seems pointless and seems like it has no meaning and it seems like we have no purpose. But those are temporary feelings, you just go on and live your life and find things to fill your life. Maybe the point is to get a little something for yourself and to make your life better. You have your job coming up, it may or may not work out. But you just try your best and if it doesn’t work out it’s not the end of the world. Plenty of people don’t work and they find other things to do in life. You should try hard to make this job work but maybe you should have a plan B in case it doesn’t. “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” as they say. Have some plan to fall back on if, god forbid, this job doesn’t pan out.
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brush off your negative attitude
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it will be alright
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Your life is what you make of it.
I suffer from severe depressions. I can’t tell you how many times I have been close to unaliving myself. I just couldn’t see how things would get better.
If I had quit life then I wouldn’t have:
Had my first child.
Or
Gotten the strength to leave my abusive ex.
Or
Met my husband
Or had my other children
Or became a writer
Or worked as a carer and helped people
Or walked in fields to find ancient artifacts
Or played in sprinklers with my oldest
Or rode my bike in a misty summer morning around my new town
Or hiked in the forest with my dog
Or spent hours picking blackberries
Or slept in until my cats licked my face to wake me
Or had my dog get so excited to see me after a hospital stay he jumped all over me
Or spent a week with my son in the ICU, caring for him
Or met and spent time with new friends
Or became a moderator of the largest and most active mental health forum today
Or become a librarian
Or be awarded my first two grants for my library
Or picked the tomatoes I grew and eat them fresh in my yard
Or enjoy any number of new recipes I tried
You can find joy in every little thing. You just have to be present for it. And that means staying IN life.
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I’m sorry to hear that @Joker
I personally do not feel too relaxed about living a long life either.
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then it is time to wake up
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