Schizophrenia.com

Is this what I'm really like? Also, an introduction

#1

I’m maniesansdelire. The name’s kind of a joke, as I am often not “sans delire”. I was diagnosed with psychosis NOS when I was thirteen, depression and schizophrenia when I was fourteen, and finally bipolar II disorder a few months ago (I’m fifteen). Anyway, my question to those of you who have bipolar is: How do you know if you are hypomanic or this is actually what you’re like?

Over the past few months, I’ve been doing really well. I’m happy all of the time and I am able to focus on schoolwork. At first I thought that it was a hypomanic episode because I was talking quickly and starting new projects. But then it lasted more than the usual two weeks and I began to wonder if maybe this is what I’m supposed to be like.

When I was younger- I’m talking preschool age- I was a friendly, bubbly child. As soon as school started things changed. I began to talk to these imaginary friends who would control me if I did a certain action on the playground. I also began to try to hurt my brother if he did anything ‘wrong’, such as attempt to talk to me or cry.

I had to drop out of first grade because I had constant tantrums. I was also withdrawn and flat. And I have been either withdrawn/flat or hypomanic until the past few months.

So how do you know if it’s hypomania or true recovery? I don’t have any harmful behaviors; I am neither irritable nor risk-taking. I also am getting on very well with my little brother, with whom I’ve never had a good relationship.

But I’m still waiting for the previously-inevitable crash.

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#2

Wow, that’s what is lurking in the back of your mind? Waiting for the crash-again.
Obsess long enough and you will enjoy your self full-filling prophesy.

How do you know if it’s your label or just you?
What is the difference!
If your behavior causes you, or others around you significant stress or trouble, then it needs to be corrected by whatever means gets the job done.
If it don’t cause trouble, remove the label.
Labels are not an excuse to justify bad behavior.

I’d just like to add, how does anybody know what they’re really like at any age?
Especially at 15?
We are always changing, just hopefully for the better.

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#3

Csummersx:

The crash always happens after a hypomanic episode, that’s why I’m worried about it.

Right now, I’m not having any problems. But I have since I was six years old, withdrawing and possibly hallucinating. But I’m worried about this evolving into a true manic episode, as my brain chemistry changes into that of an adult. Manic episodes generally have an onset in the early twenties and are relatively rare in children; I’m getting closer to that.

The problem is that there is a definite difference between when I had symptoms of the label and when I do not. When I had symptoms, I was withdrawn, hallucinating, delusional, and not taking care of myself. Right now I have none of those problems and am happy, but people around me say that I seem almost too happy.

Mostly what I want is a middle ground. This kind of happiness, near-euphoria, has always in the past come with a crash, and I really don’t want that.

Sorry for any confusion… I’m not very good at communicating on the Internet. With face-to-face I can usually get the point across, but writing is harder for me.

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#4

It looks like it is caused by high anxiety, try to get on a anti anxiety medicine

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#5

I don’t know anything about bi-polar. I wouldn’t consider being happy and able to concentrate as a bad thing. If you are concerned and have seen this trend in the past then talking to your doctor about it is probably not a bad idea. You seem pretty self aware which is a good thing. Maybe just keep an eye on how you are feeling while being hopeful that you will not experience the crash. I think you communicated very well.

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#6

If your happy, don’t dwell on what might happen, just sit back and enjoy the ride.
When things don’t seem right, talk to someone to get assessed.

Being hyper-vigilant over something that might not ever happen will suck the life right out of you and leave you lonely.

Live for today.

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#7

It looks like it is caused by high anxiety, try to get on a anti anxiety medicine

As far as I know I don’t have anxiety. I don’t worry about much, and that which I do worry about isn’t very stressful to me. This question may make it seem like I am very worried, but I don’t have actual anxiety about it (and I am too happy to feel anxiety, anyway!). I also don’t want to go onto another medication, especially one which may be addictive.

You’re all probably right… it’s just that the crash, for me, is really bad. I can’t get out of bed. One of the times that it happened, I actually had to leave school for a semester, but it hasn’t happened since then (nearly a year ago, wow).

I’ll talk to my pdoc about this when I see her next. Like I said I don’t want to be on another medication, but maybe she can recommend something else, like mediation or herbal remedies.

Thanks, everyone. You’ve been helpful in putting me at ease. I do tend to overthink things… just a little:P.

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#8

thought i would say hi.
take care

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#9

I’ve been hypomanic for several months at a time. I would say - enjoy it. It still is a good memory for me.

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#10

Welcome.

I thought I’d also say enjoy the ride and don’t think too much ahead.

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#11

Hi, maniesandelire

It is something you need to stay aware of, not necessarily obsess over what could happen but just breathe and recognize what is happening and try and analyze what is going on and what could be better, while also knowing the bad side too. You need to accept the negatives for what they are, and having a mental illness is not necessarily negative-but can be negative if seen unrealistically. That’s what I’ve learned over time, that ignoring the truth about it causes impulsive decisions for example–random sex or missing homework, or self destructive things.

During mania I was defensive and didn’t recognize it. I was completely shut off as if I built a wall around me, and no one could get through. When I got better or was brought down from mania and back to reality, I questioned a lot about my behaviors. During psychosis and mania a person cannot really tell. For me, I’m either manic or I’m not. On medication I am not manic or psychotic. I am somewhat more numbed down, but I accept that as a side effect.

Mania is not healthy over time if not managed. If you can learn to deal with the stress and find yourself peace of mind then you are on the path to recovery. The reason I think mania is not healthy over time, is that it runs in my family. My mom has it and her brief outbursts turned over time, into consistent delusion and psychosis, You have a similar illness and it can be treated but it does take work and effort, just don’t give up now.

It’s a difficult burden to grow up with such a severe mental illness, and I salute you for reaching out to learn and understand.

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#12

My goodness, you sound like my twin. A little bit freaked out right now.

I’d say, the more you worry about a crash, the more you stress, the more you stress, the more agitated you will get, the more agitated you get… you will crash.

I’d say if your feeling better, find a way to keep that wave going. Use that motivation and energy you have now to talk to the doc, and stabilize and keep this good thing going.

It’s easier to get help when you’re feeling up to it rather then when you hit that negative swing and you just want all life to end. Then it’s not so easy to help yourself.

Use the positive mode to ask your questions and stabilize and stay in the positive mode.

Good luck.

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#13

Yeah, I’ll just try to keep the good times rolling. I can’t see my psychiatrist for about two weeks- she has spring vacation, she’s two hours away, and she is very busy. Reading these responses makes me think that I"m being a little bit silly. Like I said, my brain chemistry is changing as I grow older, but why should I think that it’s for the worse? Why shouldn’t the crashes end? There’s no reason for them not to. (Also, to pob: I know, but I’ve never had one that lasted more than 2-3 weeks.)

So… what I’ve gotten out of this is: If I keep worrying about the crash, then I will. And I don’t want that. Besides, there’s no real proof that this is really a hypomanic period, so why worry unless things start to get out of control?

Thanks!

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