I’m maniesansdelire. The name’s kind of a joke, as I am often not “sans delire”. I was diagnosed with psychosis NOS when I was thirteen, depression and schizophrenia when I was fourteen, and finally bipolar II disorder a few months ago (I’m fifteen). Anyway, my question to those of you who have bipolar is: How do you know if you are hypomanic or this is actually what you’re like?
Over the past few months, I’ve been doing really well. I’m happy all of the time and I am able to focus on schoolwork. At first I thought that it was a hypomanic episode because I was talking quickly and starting new projects. But then it lasted more than the usual two weeks and I began to wonder if maybe this is what I’m supposed to be like.
When I was younger- I’m talking preschool age- I was a friendly, bubbly child. As soon as school started things changed. I began to talk to these imaginary friends who would control me if I did a certain action on the playground. I also began to try to hurt my brother if he did anything ‘wrong’, such as attempt to talk to me or cry.
I had to drop out of first grade because I had constant tantrums. I was also withdrawn and flat. And I have been either withdrawn/flat or hypomanic until the past few months.
So how do you know if it’s hypomania or true recovery? I don’t have any harmful behaviors; I am neither irritable nor risk-taking. I also am getting on very well with my little brother, with whom I’ve never had a good relationship.
But I’m still waiting for the previously-inevitable crash.