If I am ruining my children psychologically and breaking my husband’s heart, am I really better off living? Wouldn’t it benefit them more if I was gone?
No, you are a part of them, they are a piece of a peace to you.
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Please don’t think of killing yourself @samples32 You would take your children’s mother from them at a tender age and your husband would really be breaking his heart if you died ? Please seek help.
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I don’t think it’s an imminent danger, I simply can’t rationalize it. My parents caused me so much harm. I can’t do that to my children.
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The fact that you realize that may harbor the the solution. Will you, to the extent that you are aware of it – try to do what is bets for your child and try to avoid what is not?
Are you reading the good professional child-rearing literature that’s available? If so, your children will be in the safer hands you develop from doing so.
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Yes, I do all of that, however, I also spend large portions of my day crying and apologising to everyone… They see that, they don’t understand and I cannot explain.
Of course. How much college psychology did you get in school? (Just wondered; you seem to understand some things.)
notmoses, your willingness to learn understanding is to be commended.
The only psychology I know is things I have pilfered from my husband’s books. I am a fitness trainer and culinary student, not a psychologist.
It was sink or swim for me after the horrible Long March through the Terror Tunnels from '94 to '03. I had to learn or finish the suicide job I started in '97.
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just keep apologizing that shows good will towards them. Pick yourself up and keep trying @samples32 thing will get better eventually. You are doing a good thing reaching out here.
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Do you really want your children (and husband) wondering for the rest of their lives "Why did mommy leave me? “Why didn’t she love me anymore, was it because I was bad?”
They NEVER get over it.
“Some” mom is better than no mom at all.
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People don’t like hearing apologies all the time when you don’t change your actions and I have not found a way to change my actions.
But how is it better than a harmful mother?
One day it will…you just have to pray and believe that things will change. God will help you honey…please don’t talk of ending things…upsetting so much.
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Then don’t do THAT to your kids. Think of it this way, you know from first-hand experience what NOT to do-so don’t do it.
Do what they need and the rest will sort itself out.
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I won’t do what my parents did, I have found all new ways to be horrible.
could you tell us an example of how horrible you are being? I know that is really personal but I’m thinking it’s not as bad as you say?
You can’t just pray for God to change you, you have to take action. God gave us free will.
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well, take action then ! be aware of your mistakes and move on !! If it were only that easy I realize. I beat myself up for my behavior but I am on day 2 of not smoking, so today I am making a change…