Yeah, I am working to get better on my energy lately, but I hide since 20 years, some of you know itā¦ I used to avoid, to hide, to become irritated from fear, to feel the fear in my whole body, to not answer to my friends and family etcā¦
I dont switch my ap since years, as adviced it my doc, but maybe my paranoia and fears have some different nature cause I still live with themā¦
Tbh, I didnt fight for 20 years, I was just desperate then and never tried to change beforeā¦ I am trying it now, since an yearā¦
But gosh, my mom used to drop a tear every single time that I was feeling bad and I was running away from her in my flat just to hide 
and god knows, it lasted an eternity, yearsā¦
Idk why I turned so scaredā¦ My manic best friend seem a bit angry to me, that I am like thisā¦ is it dumb to be so scared, is it boorish? Idkā¦
Well, maybe I have to fix my thinking too lolā¦ Tbh, many people around me think now, that Iāve tried way too many aps for the years, which makes dumb I guess or just dead like, even one doc told it to meā¦ I was dead like before the meds too in fact, but itās another storyā¦ idk if too many aps can cause more fear, but I still think itās just meā¦
Well, hope that Iāll get healthy mentally one dayā¦ right now, I am turning again tired from this lonely struggle, but at least, I am at home, without duties nowā¦
Yeah, it scares me till death still, that I feel sick since kidā¦ itās scary, palsā¦ Iāll do it how if I am sick since kid?? Gosh, I just thought of thisā¦
I hide away from others, because their negativity is too draining. All I get in public places, is people lying about me.
I seeā¦ I hide from the negativity too lately yeapā¦ me too, I have it a lot, when I dont like the life anymoreā¦so I get youā¦ me, I just wonder why I ended up so scared from everything. Well, my dad beated till death all his life my mom and my sister, but my sister is not scared from nothingā¦ my mom denies my trauma from my dad, but we lived in pure hell with him tbhā¦
Life is cruel sometimes.sorry for your father
Did I went sick because of my father, who thinks it?? Well, my mom keeps saying its genetic lolā¦
My father was the kind to say to my mom to not dance with my sister, cause āhe doesnāt want slu** at the houseāā¦ I wont even enter in details how terrible was his beating, my sister who is beaten against the wall at the age of 12 until she gets a blood from her mouthā¦ many years like thisā¦
I ended up hating my spoiled friends, who never saw this, but who are sz too, but they are helped by the meds or just dont even know what is ānegativesā and just slept with my exās, while I was a dead zombie in my bed and they were saying about me, that I am uglyā¦ whatever. I hope Iāll get over my szā¦ sorry if I sound crazy , am sorry but at least now I talkā¦
You might be like me, still running from your father even though he is gone. My mother was passive, no divorce ever happened to them. I wish it had.
Oh, thank you dear chordyā¦ this touches meā¦ I am spreading my envy here, it sucks maybe I turned a bit of a psycho too, meds cant help this I guessā¦
Your father was aggressive too? Mine suffered a lot mentally in his end, I am even more sad because of this too and maybe just confusedā¦ I am sad yeap, Iāll never forget his tears either no matter whatā¦ quite crazy experience this yeap 
My father was mentally ill, aggressive and jealous. His mode of punishment was inappropriate and violent. Mother just stood by.
Yeah, but me, I turned a psycho too I findā¦
My father hit me and I hit the cat. I know better, now.
Cool, I hope you are out of this yeapā¦ me, I still have a way to goā¦ yeah, these things mark I guessā¦
My mom was was the same way. Iām afraid of people except for my family and a few close friends. I feel like people are after me. When I go out, I feel like their watching me.My Dr. tells me to check when that happens.
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