Schizophrenia.com

Did you hide your psychosis from anyone?


#1

I did some thinking on my way back from the store about how when I was in the grips of my psychotic experience I was always very conscious of letting my niece who was a very young child at the time see that I was struggling. My brother, who hasn’t been around us much for the last decade, asked once what effect my psychosis may have had on her. My dad and I agreed that the answer was very little if any as I was always very careful to limit my blow ups and whatnot to when she wasn’t around. My parents have said that at the age of three she would however come to them now and then and say “uncle (mussel) is sad” That I guess I couldn’t hide from even her but everything else that was going on in my head I tried my best to keep in my head until it was safe to go crazy again.

Was anyone else ever able to hide their psychosis around certain people?


#2

I talked to myself when nobody around, or when everyone slept.


#3

I hid it from everyone for years. I always had good insight, so I was always able to convince myself that it wasn’t real, until last year when it hit hard enough that I needed medical intervention. But most of the time I keep my problems to myself, filtering out the stuff coming from inside my head so I can focus on what’s real. I was always seen as eccentric, but nobody knew how far it went until I finally broke.


#4

Hey @mussel did you understand you were in a psychosis then? Were you more silent or tried to act normal? Because in my partner’s case, he did not know when he was being psychotic… I don’t think he inderstood he was ‘different’ in an episode…:frowning:


#5

I guess I was more concerned with seeming normal. I believed at the time that what was going on in my head was all real. I thought I was reading people’s minds and receiving messages from beings. But I was also very conscious of coming across as if none of it was going on.

I guess I should consider myself lucky that I was able to maintain that much control of myself self despite experiencing psychosis. Some people, my friend Jon included tend to have a total break with reality when they break. I guess I always remained aware of my surroundings and in control of my behavior.


#6

I was working at the time when the psychosis hit me real bad. I was in the security business at the time. I neglected my office work where I had to communicate with people and I just got in the patrol vehicle and patrolled the sites for days on end in order for me to avoid people. Finally I got transfered to an admin post where I couldn’t avoid people. I couldn’t cope at all and was put off on disability a year later.


#7

When I’ve been psychotic there are too many things going on in my head for me to be concerned about how people view me. I get terribly suspicious and paranoid though so there is a certain amount of secrecy and distrust during that time.

At other times, I work incredibly hard at fitting into normal society. I do my best to fit in.


#8

I’ve always been embarrassed to be “crazy” in front of my \family. My mom in particular. Recently I wasn’t doing well and she took one look at me and said “What’s going on? What’s wrong?” I lied and said “nothing , NOthing is wrong” kind of belligerently" Afterward I felt bad. She was probably trying to help and was likely concerned. I just have never felt comfortable being ill around her. Although I was not good at hiding it. She always knew right away…


#9

I hide everything from everyone. The one girl who I ever got involved with it ended up not being my friend anymore. So now I’m really never telling anyone. I did just sign myself up for an appointment for a psychological evaluation or whatever though, so that’s good anyways.


#10

I tried pretty well to hide it from my brother’s kids when they were little. Now when I see them I try to keep up appearances which is very trying for me.


#11

Yes, I have had serious symptoms at certain times in my life without anyone knowing. Memory can be pretty selective.I can remember times in my twenties where I was doing a lot and on the surface I was functioning pretty highly. But honestly? My twenties sucked. I was working, I was going to school, I had a car, I had a couple friends. But I did all those things with drastic symptoms.I don’t know how. The only people who knew my mental state was my family. And actually, all the times I was really sick They. didn’t know at the time; I told them later. I was high functioning but I remember at work when I had to wash 5 or 6 big bags of towels in a public laundromat by myself. Another guy at work dropped me off and I used ten washers and ten dryers. But I think back and I was just going through impossible symptoms. Just miserable.And a lot of times I was like that.I remember when my dad had his first heart attack and was recovering in the hospital. I had to be there and I spent a lot of time at the hospital. My mental state was excruciating. But nobody knew.


#12

I TRIED to hide it from everyone… I tried to seem normal… which only made me seem worse. Sometimes there was no chance of hiding it. I was too far in my head. But there were sometimes that I had a tiny toe hold in lucid town and then I tried harder to hide it.

I had a toddler sis in tow all the time and it does upset me when she remembers some of the stuff from my worst years. Her toddler view of my psychosis makes the picture really odd.

Of course I had an effect on her… she was worried when I was down, she was a bit scared at times, and the odd one for me is when she remembers some of my breaks as fun.

My worst break at 17 where I just snatched her off her kinder school play ground and took off… I was sure the school was brain washing her to be against me… so I called her over… gave her hug… picked her up… left the school yard and we took off.

I was having a complete break down. She thought this was the coolest thing ever, not being in school… I was loosing my mind and she saw it as a great adventure for a just turned 6 year old.

When we do talk about those times between us… it’s very odd. She was a smart cookie for her age… but she was still only 5 and 6.


#13

Yeah I hide myself like I am right now from society. I keep to these forums when I have funny days. It’s been maybe two months since my last silly brain day. I just took a big dump and my stomach feels less like there is a mouse in my intestines. I will probably take a nap and later tonight I will talk to this guy I have been talking and skyping with who lives in another city. My head clears up after naps. I did the whole five hours of sleep thing and now I feel funny. And hungry. I might just watch anime until it makes me fall asleep, the show I am watching is so stupid that it makes me get sleepy…but my friends say I have to finish it and that it has an awesome ending or something. So far my favorite character died, stupid crap has happened for 14 episodes, and it makes me sleepy.

But yeah I am not leaving the house or driving anywhere until I take a nap. Im not psychotic right now, I am just a little off. I don’t enjoy it.

I just called my mom who is out doing crap and asked her to get me some taco bell. I need to eat before I take my morning Geodon. Hopefully I will get knocked out by it and my propanolol and then wake up normal.

Im sort of ranting. I remember saying something about Gurren Lagann being stupid. It really is.


#14

I was in nursing school when I had my first psychotic breakdown. I was studying to be an R.N., going to a state university. Well, in the midst of my studies, I came to believe that I was Florence Nightingale herself. Re -incarnated. For some reason, believing that helped me get through school. I never spoke to a single soul throughout my 4 yr college career, to no one except a couple of professors and the Dean. And, absolutely no other students. I was too paranoid. How I got through school with a 3.0 GPA is nothing short of a miracle. Especially since I was in a constant psychotic, anxious, disassociated, manic state, with very little sleep, the whole way through. I had to stay awake all night to study. I could not study in the daytime. I had to work and attend school, and care for an infant in the day time. So, you could see what a state I was in. Sometimes, I think it was nursing school that made me crazy.