I don’t know why I’m like this, there is nothing happening in my life to stress me out or upset me, I’m just horribly irritable. Flying off the handle over the slightest thing. I’ve been like this for weeks and it’s getting worse, I’m normally such an easygoing lass but I hate hate this horrible person I’m becoming. Everything can be perfectly fine then the tiniest, most insignificant thing happens and I’m in a rage, shouting, swearing, fighting not to punch walls or pull my hair out.
Not only that but my mind is turning against me. Woke up this morning thinking about something that happened months ago - someone interrupted me - shouldn’t be that big a deal really but the scenario runs over and over in my mind and I’m getting more and more angry, I don’t want to think about it or be angry but I can’t stop it. It’s like my brain is forcing me to either re-live real situations or make up fabricated ones just to make me angry, all day, relentless mind videos of made-up situations to be angry about.
This isn’t me. I hate myself for being like this, and most of all, I don’t know why I am being like this. Feel so bad for making my boyfriend miserable.
No, this last year or so I’ve only been taking a low dose of quetiapine, if I’m honest I have been skipping it a lot recently, but I just find it so sedating, I didn’t realise how much until I went a few days with none and felt so much better. This is weird though, the only real symptom I’ve noticed without it is one unpleasant recurring hallucination, but I know it’s a hallucination so I can’t be psychotic or I wouldn’t know it was not real? I’ve been on and off meds for 10 years though and never had this horrible irritability before.
Yeah, I guess I should. It’s just crap I have to take these pills. I just want to be able to be me, no pills, no craziness, just me. I’m waiting on a psych appt, but I’ve just moved so it will be new doctors, will have to go through all the rigmarole of explaining everything again. Wish I could just live without pills and psychiatrists. Wish I could just be the person I used to be.
The way I deal with rough times whether it’s anger or anxiety is by understanding that my body or mind wants to process those emotions and will use any situation as a trigger to get time to work through it.
I don’t have to do anything for this to happen, I just chill and deal with the emotional ambiguity that comes with rough patches, and I find it gets resolved on its own with time. Obviously allowing your pdoc to make medication changes can lessen the pain too and make it easier to process.
I also sometimes “replay” situations over and over again in my head despite the fact that it’s obviously counter productive. I just had a dream tonight about being laid off, which I’m having difficulty getting over.
The best way to deal with obsessive thoughts that I’m aware of it to just do something else to get your mind off them whenever you start having them. Start obsessing over being interrupted? Then go turn on your favorite TV show and watch an episode or do some other hobby to get your mind off it.
As for how to prevent from dreaming about things, I have no idea if that’s even possible. The unconscious mind will think about whatever it wants and you have no control over it imo.
Ah, when you said ‘my body or mind wants to process those emotions and will use any situation as a trigger to get time to work through it’, that makes a lot of sense. I have nothing to be angry about so my mind is creating things to be angry over nothing. It helps to think of it like that, thanks.
I don’t judge, I get irritable too. I used to be such a nice quiet virginal girl, now I’m a mess and I let people make me mad and it makes me sad. I know what you mean. I want to be that nice quiet girl again.
I used to get irritable , think it was a little PTSD. We have all been through a lot. It went away as I healed ,but something that I think helped was they put me on Zoloft. My wife is on it to she’s not sz but she gets irritable when she’s off it. My pdoc said I didn’t need Zoloft be we tried it because it worked for my wife. She had said I had a lot of symptoms she had and Zoloft took them away. So my pdoc said it’s not going to hurt you we can try it. It really helped me in my recovery.
Thanks for your replies everyone. I’m going to see my new psychiatrist on friday… I can’t deal with the constant anger, getting really depressed too, I know I’m on a downward spiral. I think I’m gonna have to give in and get back on a proper meds regime, it’s scary to feel myself going downhill so fast. I hate the meds, but I hate the anger, the pain, the hollow despair, more… This illness is horrible, I don’t talk about it much with my family, they are loving and supportive but I always feel guilty to burden them with my problems. It’s good to have people here who understand, thank you.