I hate being alone. There is not much occasions I am alone but when it happens, I feel weird. Like the room is watching me. I mean, I can do stuff, but I have to distract myself not to think about it.
Then, I have this stupid sneaky thought that God will punish me or someone in my family with some incurable disease. Like cancer. I’m not even a real believer, so what the heck.
I’m afraid of heights, bugs, and rats.
And most of all, I’m horribly afraid of people abandoning, leaving, rejecting, and disliking me.
I think that my addictions were sort of gateways from those fears. Wish I could knew better.
Here comes notmoses with the 12steps. Or was it ten?
Once I read a book of Erika Jong, “Fear of flying”. I think that title fits here.