I have a delusion that no one likes me because I have psychosis. I know it’s illogical but I seem to hold onto this belief no matter what other people tell me.
I think it’s slowly cooling off so I’m going to do my homework in the meantime.
I tend to use self-hatred as a coping mechanism and whenever I have these delusional thoughts I tend to write bad stuff about myself and on various forums to “intensify” the feelings of negativity. It kind of helps me forget about my delusions but also hurt myself in the process.
I also really hate myself because of the trauma I experienced, and I blame myself a lot.
So it’s really difficult journey and I’m really sorry if your posts were spammed with my negativity. I try to not do this but sometimes the urge is too much.
I’m really sorry, everyone. I’ll try to overcome this delusion.
If you’re into writing, have you tried the opposite? That is, to debunk whatever negative opinions you have on yourself, or think others may have on you, by using logical arguments. Cause you should know that you’re a good person who bad things have happened to. A victim, not a culprit. You want to meet everyone else’s expectations and are setting the bar unreasonably high. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate every small victory, learn to love yourself, if only a little bit.
What makes you think you don’t deserve happiness? Be honest.
Everything about myself, and the stigma. Because stigma exists, people won’t like me. (or judge me i guess)
A research paper revealed that people with schizophrenia are 5 times more likely to kill someone in Korea, which was broadcasted on the news today. This triggered a psychotic episode.
I have this delusion that normal people want us to all be unhappy and hate ourselves, so that we’ll end up in hospitals because they all want us to be segregated and locked up. So we have to lower ourselves and hate ourselves to separate ourselves from them. Also I feel like I’m unworthy to be around neurotypicals as if I owe something to them.
I feel like it’s a stupid delusion but I still get caught up by internalized ableism and use self-hatred as a resource to help escape from the pain I feel.
Self-hatred is not an escape, it’s a vicious cycle. Garbage in, garbage out. Don’t be your own enemy that’s all I can say. If you feel the need to hate or blame others, that’s perfectly fine, but don’t be harsh with yourself.
Neurotypicals cannot possibly understand us, hence their fear and sometimes stigma. In my country some still believe mentally ill people are being possessed by demons or are under spells. Imagine fighting that kind of attitude. I used to hate myself on an unconscious level. I used to believe others whenever they said or implied I wasn’t good enough. But then I snapped. I realized they don’t know jack and I’m the only one whose dreams and wishes I should be pursuing.
Sending hugs. Hope you’ll come to the same conclusion soon and escape this trap called self-blame.
I’m always thinking about how I’ll be a murderer in disguise and I’ll never be accepted.
Haven’t really found anyone that would accept me as who I am. I know that people don’t love me.
And I think I’m the most stupid, the most disgusting, the most worthless person on earth.
I think neurotypicals will like that- they all want us to hate ourselves and segregate ourselves from society. They want us to torture ourselves. They all want us to die. And they’ll feel good about it.
I’m trying to not think that way, but coming from what happened in my childhood and adulthood, I can’t help but generalize.
Being born in this world was a mistake. I wish I was never born. I always torture the heck out of people around me and stress bunch of people out. I always torture people. And they don’t deserve that.
I accept you as you are, except for your self-blame. That I cannot agree with.
I’m sure your mom loves you but she probably doesn’t know how to handle you during psychotic breaks. My folks were judgmental with me too, and it only worsened my symptoms, but after sitting down with them and explaining what I had gone through, in detail, they were first shocked, then their behavior slowly improved. They are very supportive right now.
And even if nobody else loves you (which I’m sure isn’t true), you should still love yourself and keep your head high because living with this illness is hard. We are heroes. They can’t possibly understand.