I'm sorry. An apology

I’m sorry I talked about my delusions, feelings, conspiracy theories, thoughts, etc. I may have embarrassed myself, ruined future careers, future education, triggered some people, and encouraged delusions here.

I still haven’t got my 12 mg of vraylar approved. I’m waiting on insurance.

I talked about some bizarre things and controversial things that to me are very, very real or were real at the time.

I still have some delusions but I’m feeling better now that I stopped watching conspiracy theories and started going to group. Amyloban 3399 has cleared my head a bit. I’m more forward thinking now and have a little more insight.

Regarding my delusions, I don’t think everyone understands them. I do feel like I over shared and talk to much.

My doctor said I’m too honest and I say things I shouldn’t due to Aspergers, but I’m sure I do it because of other reasons too.

One thing I never talked about was I think because I posted some stuff here, made YouTube videos, and had a website, some people visited my grandmother’s house looking for me a couple years ago. I don’t know who they were but they said they were from a college. Which college, I don’t know. I thought it was my old school I attended when I got psychotic but it could have been anyone, including dangerous or threatening people, given my paranoia, delusions, and past lives. My grandma said they looked professional. Maybe they lied, maybe she lied. I really don’t know or care anymore. I have mostly moved on.

I’m simultaneously afraid, nervous, and not afraid. I’m doing well in life mentally speaking. I’m recovering. I sincerely believe if I die someday I will time travel back in time similar to a time loop or causal loop like I always or usually do…

I’m not apologizing to anyone but you guys. I feel like I’ve embarrassed the entire forum and myself. I feel like I owe an apology to the mods too.

I also want to mention when I Iived with my grandma, there were really suspicious wifi names.

I still think something may have happened to me in college 8 years ago but I really don’t know and I need to move on and get better. I will try to improve my life.

I really don’t care about being watched. I think most people are and I am immune or used to it. I have no evidence and this may be a delusion.

I really have a diagnosis of schizophrenia and I suffer from delusions and psychosis.

I guess I sometimes post things to get things off my chest, hope people will simultaneously believe and not believe me, to reduce the severe dissociation, and because I’m hurting.

I don’t crave attention at all. I realize this is the internet so I know the consequences of posting things online. I go to therapy too but it only achieves so much.

I feel like I have a community here and can relate to others here.

Thank You.

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Don’t sweat it, we all go through rough patches.
Your conscience should be clear.

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It’s okay. Don’t be embarrassed. We all make mistakes. You just have to learn from them and move on with your life. Keep posting and take care of yourself.

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This is a forum designed for MI people to talk about their problems. I don’t see why you should feel embarrassed. Lots of people came here solely for talking about their problems. They vent and then go. So you don’t need to apologize.

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My delusions are always there just weaker on meds and have less power. Hopefully the 12mg dose will help calm down the need to discuss some of the potentially triggering aspects of sz.

I’ve found that writing about it helps but talking about it puts me deeper into it. I write at least a page a day. Sometimes it is about me and other times it is about the voices. It just seems more final in writing than in speech

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Just curious, why are you supposed to take twice the recommended max dose of vraylar?

My symptoms were controlled on 4.5mg.
Have you taken vraylar at any dose yet?

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I’ve been on 6mg for a while. Some doctors go up to twice the recommended dose.

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Fair enough… I

My paranoia delusions get people to be wary of me. But I kinda talk about them here and it helps. I’m glad you share them with us it helps me know that other people suffer from same type of delusions as I do. Don’t be afraid to share with us.

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