I'm so stupid. I triggered an old delusion TW

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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I ran out of meds last thursday, and have been surviving on quetiapine. I’ve been binging a show called Lucifer, and felt alright at first.
But as the Saphris is leaving my system, I feel my brain slipping back into one of the first delusions I had: the devil will take my soul.
I used to believe if I thought too much about him, especially his name, he would take it as me offering my soul to him.

I know it’s not real, but reality is starting to slip and it’s harder to stay grounded.

Is there anything I can do to not completely lose my marbles down this rabbithole until I can afford to pick up my prescription at the pharmacy?

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Definitely try to stay away from any content involving the supernatural that triggers your delusions. I know Lucifer is a silly show, but stay away from it until you can get your meds again. Stay safe. :heart:

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Thank you.
I’ll go back to watching something light-hearted like Brooklyn 99 or HIMYM, I think.

I don’t know if I should tell my SO about this. He’s asked if it would be possible for me to book tomorrow’s appointment at a later date, and I fear he’ll think I’m making this up to get my way.

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I avoid those types of shows. Growing up catholic I never really knew if I should conform, or how catholics could support war and racism but hate a womans right to choose. I grew up kind of politically and religiously confused. That’s why I am moving further and further from Abrahamic philosophy and religion, and just believe what I experience. Exist and love.

Wishing you health, serenity, and strength. Hope you find a better show to watch!!

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I think my upbrining is at blame too.
I grew up in a very christian environment. Old school christians, as conservative as you can get without being a Jehova’s Witness.
It took me many many years to lose the thought that God hated me for being a sinner, and the devil would take me.

When I get unwell, those thoughts and unresolved traumas come creeping back.

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Avoid triggering stuff, I avoid everything horror. I can handle mob shows but not too much as then I get difficulty sleeping at night.

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I know how that feels, even without my fam being conservative, that idea that God is angry or wants to punish us when we make mistakes is engrained in the religion it feels. Yet outside the church, I would just think God was an all loving creator…

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I grew up in a very religious household too.

When I get bad off, I have delusions about Satan too.

I can see him, feel him and hear him.

It’s like he’s everywhere waiting for some weak point to grab my very soul.

Terrifying.

My best advice would be to avoid the subject, like others have suggested,

Keep yourself distracted, sounds like you’re already doing that with watching the other shows,

And keep your pdoc appointment.

Maybe don’t tell your SO if you feel weird about it.

Talk to your doctor first and go from there.

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Oh man I have my meds so I can’t completely relate. But I’m reading the black arts by Richard Cavendish

Right now it’s talking about people who sacrifice, use blood, voo doo, etc… and stuff for witchcraft.

I dunno, like serious question, what really happens to you when you get triggered by subjects??

For me i always read astrology and occult stuff even at my worst at psychosis in my younger years

Now I’m stable enough that it’s not even second guessed whether I should entertain topics or not.

Do you start hallucinating more??? Have more delusions???

Maybe it does raise the concern for delusions for me but it’s not like it bothers me personally.

It gives me a thrill I guess. Maybe.

Without my meds tho for too long on these subjects Itd be bad most likely

Hope ya get your meds soon

My aprn has a system where I always need to tell her I’m low a few days in advance

Hope you get your situation sorted out

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When I get triggered by paranormal things, it’s like a seed is planted in my brain which slowly grows.
The thought process goes something like this:
“Haha how silly”
“What if that was real life”
“How do I know it’s not real”
“These sensations indicate it’s real”
“Why can’t I stop thinking about it”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine”
anxiety
“… Nope, definitely not fine”
“AAAAAAAAAAAA”

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I agree with you; certain topics turn into false beliefs; or beliefs that I think are true, but science says not.

It takes me time to process and return to the thought / way I was, before the topic that triggered the false belief / false judgement.

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I completely understand. I had the same problem while I was watching Supernatural. I got the delusion in my head that the devil was sending hellhounds to take my soul. Most of my delusions are religious so whenever I’m panicking really badly I pray to God. I also made sure to stop watching the show. I still miss watching but it caused me trouble on more than one occasion.

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I got triggered by the Borg in Star Trek: Enterprise. Was really enjoying the show until that point. Got nightmares and everything. It was 8 years ago and still haven’t returned to the show. Sometimes you just have to know what sets these things off and make a barrier around them where you don’t touch them. Don’t know if that’s of any value, but I can definitely relate to TV shows that can be no good for me.

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