I'm so done

[marvelgirl]

I’m having a situation where I live right now. Literally the police are here to talk down an armed man. One of my neighbors.

I found out a few hours ago when I went to go to the store. Can’t get out. Complex is barricaded with police cars. No police there at the time to talk to though. I go home, wake up my husband because I’m freaking out. We get online trying to find out what’s happening. Just after we figure it out I get a call from my sister. She got off work early and couldn’t get home. I tell her what’s happening as I just read it off the news website.

Then I get a text about how it could have been nice to know before leaving work. I ignore it because I didn’t even know then.

Some neighbors park stt the office building behind us sp they can get to their dogs. We help them over the fence. So I call her and tell her how to get in. Get told I’m wrong. Then I say we are literally helping people home right now. I get attitude and told "I’m not climbing over a fence. " well sorry princess, I was trying to help. Ask her where she is, she’s driving around parking lots. We live in a 24 hour town so I tell her go to a Starbucks.

Come in from helping the neighbors and there’s a post on Facebook about how it could have been nice to know this is happening before she left work because now she’s stranded in a grocery store parking lot.

I’m so mad. I’m completely done. She expects me to take care of everything for her, everything is my fault and I can barely take care of myself. I’m taking her dog out while someone losing their ■■■■ is waving a gun around and I’m a horrible person for it.

Final nail in the coffin. I’m so done. I give zero frigs anymore. I’m not helping her do a damn thing ever again. Her entitlement is unreal and she appreciates nothing. I wash my hands of her. Just needed to get it out.

[anon12908646]

Is there anyone elses place you can get your sister to live at? You would have to come up with a reason for her to go (if you want to spare bad feelings?)

First I need to say I totally despise telling family members not help one another. Yet, I also know taking care of our own mental health must come first.It must come first because if we do break down then few people can help us, if at all.

It comes down to a judgement call for you. I agree that was a crappy thing for her to say. You dont have esp so how could you have known the emergency was happening outside?

She does sound controling in saying that and things you said in other post. I am not there so I can not offer an opinion if she if controlling or just acting like a turd.

That is why I gave some examples in that other post. Either way, I would start trying to solidify her moving out plans if no one else will let her move in.

Start that by setting dates which she is suppossed to do something such as have a certain amount of money saved up to get her own place.

Dont be shy about asking to see things like bank statements or budgets she writes and is suppised to follow.

If she says that is non of your business inform her that it is 100% totally your business. She is living with you . You are not living with her.

If she does not want you in “her” business, then she should not envolve you in it by asking you to live with you. She has made it your business.

By doing this, yes it may start an arguement. If she is just being a turd, she will simmer down after a while.

If she does not, or her behavior gets worse (vindictive) then yes, she probably has the controling behavior problem talked about in the other post.

You NEEDto heed this warning:
If she does have a problem with control and you start to insist she work on leaving then she will likely lash out or take revenge. (because you took control of yourself and your place back and away from her).

This is why I say it is a judgement call that only YOU can make because if you judge wrongly there could be big problems that follow that.

As in my last post, I have tried to live with controling people before.

If you think she does have problem with control but cant deal with it(most cant, I could not) perform some damage control.
This will miminize the destruction she can do while you separate yourself from her:

Before your lease is up, start looking for a new place for yourself. Basically just move out and leave her behind. Do make certain your old apartments do not automatically re-new the lease with out your knowledge.

You dont want to leave any lose ends for her to destroy you financially by running up bills that your name is attached to.

Also consider she may trash the apartment for revenge. That would get you charged money.

As stated before, if there is a control problem do exspect to lose something though. If she cant ruin you financially then some other way.

Needless to say, if you chose this route, keep it under your hat. What ever it is that she screws up is the price it cost to get that person away from you.

If you cant easly move at the end of the lease, and you want her gone then you may have to file an evection.

If she is not on the lease, then her simply being there may get YOU evicted too. Some land lords have this in the lease. You need to be aware of that too.

A bit of research maybe required if you cant move and she wont leave. You dont want to accidently cauae problems for yourself.

Your decision, not mine. I am just telling you what may happen if you are correct about a control issue.

[marvelgirl]

Thank you for the response. I really appreciate the support.

I’m pretty safe in the apartment. She was on the lease. We all signed paperwork that she is removed on the 31st of this month but my family has renewed the lease for another year without her. Any vandalism and I’ll call the police immediately.

I don’t see her doing that though. She’ll probably just be nasty and petty until she’s out. I’ve done so much for her for three years and the second anything is slightly inconvenient for her it’s like I’ve done nothing. It makes me sick. I don’t ask for this much help from anyone and I’m sick. She has zero concern for my issues but I’m supposed to care that she has anxiety. I’m beyond done.

Thank you for listening and helping. I really do appreciate it. It helps to get it out and know someone listened.

[finally]

Well you did the right thing there was danger in one area. when you found out you alerted her to go to a safer area. it would be best for her to get a sandwich and coffee in the safe place that is up to her. you let her know the situation as it transpired.

[marvelgirl]

Thank you finally. That’s what killed me. We were actually trapped inside with the armed man and had no idea what was happening, we were hiding in our apartment for the most part, and she was safe outside the complex. But she had zero concern for us, just angry at us because she was inconvenienced. Then she whined because she chose to sit in parking lot instead of going to a diner or something.

I’m starting to realize she’s always been entitled like this and she really took advantage of me when I wasn’t doing well mentally. It hurts. I remember taking an uber to work several times because she talked me into giving her my car because she needed it more than me. Her work is closer than mine. It was my car, I paid all the bills. It would have been cheaper and easier for her to take the uber than it was for me. That should not have happened. I can’t trust her not to take advantage if I have a weak moment and that sucks. It really does hurt.

[finally]

yeah sorry you went thru that and she does sound limited in her ability to see how you helped her and not a lot of concern for your situation. and as for your car that doesn’t sound fair at all.