Sorry, rant time.
I don’t know how much is true or how much I am just mistaken about.
It’s not a huge deal all the time but I am going through a particularly hard time and I don’t need this crap right now.
People are always asking me, “What are they doing to you Nick?”. Well, I’ll tell you. Maybe some of the people on here who have been to jail or lived on the streets could answer. (I’ve never done either) Maybe I’m wrong but there are subtle ways to control or mess around with someone.
I’ve already caught the asswipe upstairs controlling things. I’m just going about my business in my apartment and accidentally caught the neighbor doing some kind of sick trick intimidating me without me realizing it. IDK, sometimes I wonder. Life is just weird and not explainable. I put up with the insanity of my last roommate who was homeless four years.
The only help I asked from the agency who runs these apartments is when he wasn’t doing his share of cleaning. But I’m not going through that again.
I’m physically exhausted almost every day, I’m mentally tired almost every day, I don’t have the energy all day to deal with a crazy, 300 lb bully who’s been in jail. I give myself credit for dealing with it so far and I will keep dealing with it but unfortunately I need help. I’ve got a lot to deal with right now. The neighbor lady doesn’t want me to tell the agency any of the problems here. And I know why. Because she is getting away with stuff too including bugging me. I won’t deny that she’s nice and I want to be on good terms with her.
I was tired tonight and stressed and trying to keep it together and I lost my cool and the disease got the better of me and I cracked and I could hear her laughing through the adjoining wall. It bugged me and I just tried to stay focused on my homework but then it happened a few more time and I made it worse by getting mad. I almost said something mean through the wall because she was invading my space. All these people do it so screw em.
I’d rather alienate these people and be alone and happy than allow them to take advantage of me. If she’s going to behave like an as*hole than I’m going to act like one back. I’m going to call my case manager tomorrow, I put up with a year of torture and I don’t need it again. I won many times against my last roommate and learned some valuable lessons but it got bad most of the time near the end… We had some good conversations and we honestly got along a lot and had some laughs and we helped each other but it got bad.
I’ll just get help for a couple of months and I figure that will be enough. I do have to work on letting some things go. I can’t fight everything and everybody, some things need to be just ignored or put up with. I’m learning that when I drive. I can’t get mad at every teenager who tailgates me or drives past me at 50 miles an hour. I can’t react to every single person who bugs me, it just doesn’t work like that. I like to win as much as the next guy but I can’t win all the time. So tomorrow I’ll call on my lunch break; we were going to meet soon anyways.
Anyways, I’m interested in what you guys think about this. I mean no one here likes to be controlled. It just doesn’t feel good. I’ll discuss this with my sisters to see what advice they offer. I tell them a little bit about what goes on here but they are a little too prone to being TOO positive and optimistic. They want to think everybody has good intentions and means well. They are smart and they’ve been around but sometimes they don’t want to see negatively, even if it’s true. OK, rant over. Bedtime near and I get Columbus Day off of work! I thought the only people who still celebrated Columbus Day was elementary school kids, lol. But we get it off and I’m not complaining. Good night all.