Schizophrenia.com

I'm self absorbed but I don't know how to stop

I hate myself. It’s all me me me at the moment. I hate that I am
feeling that way. But I cannot do anything about it. I try to take
interest in other peoples wellbeing but its like I’m obsessed with
myself. I went to see my GP today and she feels I’m going up and down. I
asked her why she feels this way. She said my mood was fluctuating from
the emails I was sending her. One day I didn’t want to take my meds
becasue it was making me tired and down, etc… and the next I am taking my meds
because I’m doing so great. But you know what? I’m starting to think
it’s my thoughts that are influencing my moods because I have a thought
disorder, not a mood disorder. If I can somehow gain control of my
thinking, maybe if I can think more positive, I will be ok. But I can’t
get out of this rut. I am sorry for writing on this forum. But I have
never felt so frustrated and annoyed with myself in my life. I try to
think positive when I am feeling like this but I can’t and my brain
won’t let me. I was in a mess this morning, few hours later I was fine,
then now I am not. My thoughts are all over the place. And the meds that
I got back on are not working the same.

Everyone I come into contact with are like “don’t think too much”, don’t think negative, don’t think like this don’t think like that. It’s bloody annoying, I cannot help the way I think and feel.

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I get this way too sometimes. Don’t worry about writing on this forum, that’s what we are here for, for support when you have questions or issues like this. We are here to help each other. My SO noticed this in me to and chalked it up to the SZA acting up because I’m not normally like this. Its also okay to be like this sometimes, try not to judge yourself to harshly for it. It may be just what you need to cope at this moment.

When I catch myself getting too self-absorbed I try to do something nice for someone else. Sure the end result is feeling better about yourself, but you are also doing something good for someone else. Things like smiling at strangers, saying hello, asking how people are doing, holding doors open. Or on this forum offering advice to other peoples questions helps to get you from stop thinking about yourself or makes you get out of your own head for a moment and into someone else’s shoes.

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At the grocery store buy a can of Carnation evaporated milk and put it in the food bank bin.

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Many sz’s hate themselves. Try not to dwell on thoughts of that kind. I’ve heard that there is a type of therapy that believes that our behavior determines our moods, and not vice versa. For instance, you don’t laugh because you are happy, you are happy because you laugh. In AA they have this aphorism - “fake it till you make it”.

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dear ish, I think you just have too much time on your hands…I suffer from what you feel too…a few days ago I was fine but today even with a lot of friends and family coming I feel depressed because I know that after they are all done visiting I will be left alone again…all I can suggest is try to do more around the house like cleaning, or maybe do art with painting or something…in other words, try to “occupy your time”…? I am sorry you are in such anguish…sad to hear…

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@Ish, You just came out of a very stressful episode. You’ve had your med routine messed up, you’ve had some glitch days and you’ve been battling to get your energy back and your stress levels low.

You SHOULD be thinking about yourself for the moment. I have a feeling you might be feeling like everything is raw like a sunburn.

You will gain control over your thoughts and feelings as the meds get built back up in your system and you begin to get over this glitch. You will think more positive as you feel better.

Who thinks positive with they are sick, injured, exhausted? This will pass. Please be patient with yourself.

You don’t need to apologize for writing on this forum. When I’m not doing well I try very hard to answer something helpful on at least 5 threads on this forum. Sort of get my mind off me. Sometimes it helps, some times I have to go away and come back later.

I’m sure it’s annoying when people tell you to stop being negative. I don’t tell everyone about my Sz in focused detail. But when I’m irritated, negative, I do tell people… “Sorry for the negativity, just so tired. I’ll get my energy up and be better later.” Then people leave me alone.

Good luck
I’m rooting for you

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I thought that at one point. But here’s a fact. Most people are VERY self absorbed. It might appear other people aren’t but if they were in your situation, with your thoughts, with whatever you’re going through, I would be willing to bet they would do the same. They’d be the same. When people don’t have extremely high dopamine, or thoughts in over abundance, it’s easy to just talk with someone, or listen to someone. It’s also easier to share situations.
Everybody’s just surviving. We share when we can, and that makes us human.
And maybe you can control your thoughts. That’d be amazing. But maybe you can’t, or maybe you can only to a degree. I personally go through many delusions a day, with a lot of anxiety. Because of that I avoid contact with people. Sometimse I say things I didn’t mean to say or in the way that it was heard… Here’s the deal. To make progress you have to STOP blaming yourself…

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Don’t feel bad for posting on here. Never feel bad for that! We are all here for each other and that is the point of all of this! (Jelly bean hug -0-)

You don’t sound self absorbed to me. I was the QUEEN (not even princess. Queen) of self absorbed. Well I guess not as much self absorbed as vain. Not as much now, I have kinda downgraded it to somewhere between princess and Duchess (more than likely I have gotten better at it than that but I am not a good judge). Mindfully using humble words really really helps. Even when I feel particularly proud of myself use humble words I battle it better.

Another big thing that has really helped is getting the right meds. I would really yo yo between thinking I was the absolutely best and smartest person on earth to thinking I was worthless in .5 seconds. The meds definitely helped a whole lot with that. I kinda wonder if maybe there was some bipolar going on there?

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hope you are feeling a bit better today.
know someone cares.
take care

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@Ish I have been feeling moody lately myself, although I have been feeling a bit more even than before. It is very frustrating when my moods quickly shift down to feeling blue or depressed and then minutes later I am feeling up - my anxiety and tension seems to always be there. I plan on taking my new med in a couple of days - I will post how I am doing on it. @jukebox really has some very good advice - keep busy, its the name of the game and also do not hesitate to tell your doctor how you are feeling - write it down so that you can be accurate with your emotions and symptoms, all the best to you :sunny:

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