I create this thread for simply sharing my thoughts, and I will try to share my thoughts here when something comes to my mind. If you want to join - that’s great, this thread could be for any thought which comes to your mind.
Overall I created too many topics during my short time here.
So I leave this one, for whenever I want to say how I feel, what I think.
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sooo, the first thought which comes to my mind…
oh God I talked about this for 10 times probably,
but it still comes back to my mind.
I have control only myself. Sadly, not as much as before illness.
But I am very motivated today, and I hope I’ll stay motivated and finally will change my life
I quitted alcohol for two weeks. I also started working on my weight, and try to be more positive overall.
IDK why the thing “I control only myself” helps me so much.
Maybe, because I spend toooo much time focusing on negative things in the world, which I have no control over. Such as wars, deaths, human trafficking…
And when I leave my space for thoughts which are only about me and closest ones… actually I feel less negative and more focused on what actually I can do. what can I change in my life. 
Sooo these are my thoughts at the moment.
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ALSO, I have one question, how to know whether I have mania?
mostly asking people who have mood disorders.
my pdoc never said I am manic or smth, but I have this… idea that I could be. I literally have lots of mood swings and confusion.
And at some moments I am toooo talkative. And overconfident, oversharing and etc.
And that confidence is definitely not connected to narcissism. I don’t feel in any way better or worse than others.
But… at some moments I extremely want to be either the centre of attention (mostly in internet) or just communicate with others non stop.
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I get to know by my breathing and heart pulse, both are high at manic state.
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Wow. I’ve never heard or read about it.
My heart pulse becomes insane when I am anxious.
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Right now a recurrent thought I’m having is, how inconsistent I am and how it is affecting my life. I wonder if I just put my mind too it, it will help. But my cognition is slowly deteriorating, it actually got significantly worse. I will get through this, but man is this a tough battle.
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When I have mania my mind is just restless, while my body is tired, lol
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@Waffles gosh I know how you feel.
Some days are very tough.
I hope as soon as possible things will ger better for you And it helps, for me personally, putting a mind into it. Sometimes good things comes only with an effort.
Me, personally… I feel like in a war between me and me today 
Even a bit hopeless.
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Well, I sometimes experience it, too
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And God, I need to mention,
today I feel soooo tired of myself. 
IDK why.
it had to be a good day, but
I think i experience the same, i question every thought and assumption i make. Maybe because when have lost confidence in our brain. Its also a crazy world we live in. Sometimes i feel like that i have crazy thoughts or i get stuck in the same thought patterns. But when i talk to my therapist or psychiatrist they tell me its normal so thats validating
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I am getting really good grades at uni!!! Yeeey,
Also my essay is quite nice, lecturer said nothing bad about it
Niiiice
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I don’t really have any thoughts about myself right now. I start cleaning my dads office this month for my pregnant sister. I get paid for doing it. I’m pretty much caught up on most my stuff. I’ve been taking this week off and having a good time chilling. My meds have been working well and I’m in a good mood from the antidepressant. I guess one thing is I’m taking the antidepressant and in a good mood without the uneasiness and anxiety in my chest that I experienced with it previously. I don’t really have any philosophical ideas or things I’m stressed about.
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I feel though I also should give another chance to antidepressants. Atleast try again for a short time…
last time I tried zoloft (SSRI), and it gave 0 result. But that’s the one and only I tried.
And good everything is good for you. I am also just went to my Bf place, also I am in virtual lessons for university and feel better.
My family environment is really… hard to manage I swear. Here I feel way more relaxed.
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The antidepressant I’m on now works well for me. It’s an older one. I tried all the new ones and didn’t like them. I’ve given antidepressants a lot of chances. luckily I found this one. Oddly enough they have a pill that is a combination of my current antipsychotic and antidepressant. I take them separately though. I probably wouldn’t have found it had I not gotten on my current antipsychotic. I know about bad environments. At least you have something to look forward to in the future.
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Yup probably it’s needed to try many different antidepressants. To find the one who actually works,
And big thanks for support. 
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I just found some good advices on how to deal with Harm OCD.
'Finally, I would like to share some rules that my patients find helpful in dealing with violent thoughts and other forms of OCD:
- Expect the unexpected — you can have an obsessive thought any time or any place.
- Never seek reassurance. Instead tell yourself the worst will happen or has happened.
- Always agree with all obsessive thoughts — never analyze or argue with them.
- If you slip and do a compulsion you can always mess it up and cancel it out.
- Remember that dealing with your symptoms is your responsibility alone. Don’t involve others.
- When you have a choice, always go toward the anxiety never away from it.’
International OCD Foundation | How I Treat OCD Killer Thoughts: Treating Violent Obsessions
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Are people with harm OCD good people?
People who live with harm OCD don’t want to harm anyone. The opposite is true; they do everything possible to avoid causing harm. This worry about hurting others turns into an obsession.
Can OCD make you violent?
Some forms of OCD could cause aggressive and violent behavior. However, people who live with harm OCD usually just worry about being violent instead of actually acting on their thoughts.