Work has been extremely stressful. I work in assisted living and we have 9 residents that are still in the building that are currently positive for Covid 19. I can feel the stress mentally wearing me down. Bad. It doesnt help that I just had a little bit of a fight with my boyfriend.
This next part talks about self harm so trigger warning there. Please dont read if you think you will be upset by it.
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I can feel myself drifting towards self harm tendencies. I’m an addict and it’s my addiction. I havent done anything in about 2 1/2 years but lately it’s been in my mind. And right now I almost got out of bed just to find something that I can do it with. I’m terrified of falling down that path again. But I can also feel myself slipping closer and closer.
Conflict with boyfriend has been resolved.
Trying to help others toght now cause then I can stop focusing on myself. Use it as a distraction. I can still feel the thoughts floating around.
No sleep for now. I have to be up for work at 4:30 but I cant relax enough to try to sleep. More relaxed means more time for thoughts to roam freely. So no sleeping until I’m sure I can fall asleep quickly.
Maybe some tea would be good. Im just worried I’d wake my family up. It’s almost midnight. It does give me a small amount of joy to find somebody else that enjoys juice boxes. I dont care how old I get I’m still gonna drink them.