I'm scared

DX'd - Other
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For my future. I’ve decided divorce is best but I’m scared my husband will be hurt.

He’s a good man but we have toxic relationship.

I still love him and always will.

I’m terrified I’m throwing a good man away but I’m also scared that if I keep on with him the arguments and toxic relationship will continue.

I want a divorce for my own good. Am I being selfish in that? I have peace about it but I’m so scared for…hurting him. I feel my heart is so sore at what is to come.

I’m living with my sister now and the excitement has worn off and reality staring me in the face.

I need courage to continue with my decision but I’ve always been a scaredy cat.

At the moment depression is setting in after two weeks of high mood. And I feel so dead. I wanna cut but I don’t even have the energy for that

Sorry if I’m repeating myself I’m just so scared.

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My sister is divorced from the same man twice and she still loves him but as friends

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I’m also scared that my husband will come to my sister’s house and break in and kill me - or threaten me with a knife like he did his mother and brother and tenant.

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You can still love the person you are divorcing.
I’m sure you still care about him, this is natural.

I have no contact with my ex wife but I wish her well in her life.

You have to take care of your needs as well.

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I think your first responsibility is to yourself.

You say that the relationship is toxic and you are scared of your husband.

To me those are good reasons for a change.

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Being scared of your husband is a good reason for leaving him.

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You could try marriage counseling? But if not I think leaving him is best

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I think divorce is very tough on people, and most of us with sz do now know about this.

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Yea I also think if you are scared of your husband it’s best to leave him. Follow your heart, that way you do what is best for you.

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You have already moved out so the break is already there.

I was very scared of my ex wife as well… Before, during and after the divorce for a long time… But that was paranoia and delusions.

I haven’t heard from her since the divorce in 2005 but I’ve always wished her well.

My divorce was unbearably hard for me. The pain and confusion was terrible. From my experience I do not even wish divorce upon my worst enemy.

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You describe the relationship as toxic and you are scared of your husband hurting you. I understand that you love this man or it wouldn’t be such a hard choice but you have to look out for your own safety and mental wellbeing.

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Thanks guys. Yes I am scared of him but sometimes I’m not as he can be very soft and gentle.

When I asked him why he attacked his father and uncle the other night he said because they gave him a fright. And when I asked in the past why he threatened others with a knife he said because he wanted to scare them so they’d listen to him

Justifying it doesn’t erase it that’s what I say!

I’m scared of him sometimes - and he’s scared of me sometimes too!

As I said - its quite toxic.

And yes the hardest part of divorcing is that I will always love him and think of the good times we had. But overall it’s quite a suffocating relationship. Today he phoned me six times.

You see what I mean.

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Listen @Hadeda

Divorce is extremely stressful.
Please take care of yourself during this rough period.
Try to rely on family members like your sister during this time.

Also find yourself a good attorney with the help of your sister.

Please create a safe space for yourself during this sensitive time.

Keep your distance away from him and listen to your attorney.

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Thanks @Wave for your advice. Yes I made appointment with muslim judicial council for 19 Jan to start proceedings, and continuing to stay with my sister.

The hard part is to tell my husband I’m leaving for good. At moment he just thinks it’s a separation but doesn’t know my intention to divorce

It’s so tough! That’s the worst. In the end, my husband has a good heart - but he’s… he’s… oh well just … not good for me it seems

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Tell him when you are ready by phone.
Do not see him in person when you tell him.

Also make sure that you have a witness when you tell him.

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You need to get away from this guy. You might have to rely on your sister for a while. Don’t let your husband separate you from your support network. Try to remain visible to the world so that anything he does he will have to account for.

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There’s an old quote which goes…

"If there’s any doubt, there’s no doubt at all."

You can’t thrive and grow as an individual in a relationship when you are scared of that person…always walking on eggshells. Change is difficult for everyone, but particularly those with afflictions like ours.

Like everyone has said, stay close to your sister and Mom. I think this will get better with time…as most things usually do.

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Hey Earthchild, I agree with what loads of others are saying, a relationship where you guys are scared of each other is toxic.

He hopefully understands that. So then won’t be hurt.

Either way, it’s best you two separate cos you need to look out for your health, he would not want to see you deteriorating because of him anyway.

Best wishes :slight_smile:

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Thanks guys for your support. It means a lot to me! :blush:

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