At last told him. But asked him what he decided about us. He said he thinks we can still carry on which made me so sad because I don’t and I didn’t want to hurt him.
But I told him in nice way and all he said was he can see therapist and try to change. He wanted to try keep us together, made suggestions etc. And told me he’d phone tonight to see what I’ve decided
I feel so f***ing torn up inside! How can I still proceed? Every time I raise issues about his occasional violence he tries to explain it away.
For example - when I told him he threatened his mother with a knife once, he told me it was because I believed she was trying to poison me.
So basically he believes me - that my possible delusion is real.
But in past when it happened he told me why he did it was because she wouldn’t listen to him.
He’s hard to resist when he’s all soft and gentle. He says we scare each other but said “a bit” but I don’t think it’s healthy to live in fear at all.
I feel so awful! How can I leave him if I love him? Its like he has power over me … over my feelings…
I feel like if I can just kill myself then all will be solved. Then I wouldn’t have to choose. I want to escape. I can’t cope with my marriage and on the other hand hurting my beloved husband. Suffocate or hurt…
I need to escape this pain I’m in. I wish I had the courage to end it all…
I might be delusional about my mother in law trying to poison and control me but the fact is my husband believed me. But he never told me that that was the reason he threatened his mom with a knife. He said it’s because she didn’t want to listen to him.
This is an unfortunate consequence of entering into a relationship with anybody. They pretty much come to an end unless you’re very lucky.
I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to have reached this decision. If you really feel trapped by this person, that’s not healthy and cannot be sustainable.
As well if he’s violent towards you when he loses his temper, no explaining he does to justify it is right at all.
Thanks @Wave @Jonathan2 yes I’m living with my sister for two weeks so far. She said I can stay as long as I need and want. I basically took all my essential possessions with so I don’t really have to go back
Sounds like you doing the right thing. Moving to your sister and then you get to see how life is when you aren’t living together with your husband.
Don’t stress about coming to a decision though. Just give it a little time and then if you really feel liberated and you feel better outside the relationsship in the long run, you can relay that to him later. It might also be easier for him to accept when he has become used to not have you around for a while too.
My husband phoned again tonight to get my final answer and in a nutshell has now accepted my desire for divorce and I told him I want to remain friends and he’s glad about that and I said I will willingly continue to help him with some of his business as a token of my care.
Feel so relieved it’s out and that he took it well!
And thanks guys for your support, I really appreciate it!
and I said I will willingly continue to help him with some of his business as a token of my care.