That thing…is it in my head? I just can’t tell. It’s evil, it’s so evil. Even as a young child I would know when it was creating my nightmares, and at times I could even hear it laughing at me…I knew when I would have those terrible nightmares that there was a force behind it…
I feel like that evil hasn’t left me to this day. I’m a lot stronger now and I have a good deal of protection but I am uneasy, and unhealthily curious as to what it is. I asked it last night and I believe Father did that thing where he makes it so I can’t fall asleep so I am unable to get an answer because I couldn’t sleep last night until around 6 am when the sun came up…
What is that horrible thing…why won’t it just leave me alone…
I’ve been having so many nightmares lately and my nightmares are so REAL. I felt a lot of pain in the last one I had, a girl stabbed an arrow deep into my calf…it hurt very badly…I went after her but she was gone…I ended up burning a lot of people to death…I always have to fight and fight and fight in those nightmares and everything is so REAL. I have bludgeoned people to death, stabbed them over and over while they pleaded with me to stop, stabbed their eyes, their throats, until the screams turned into gurgling then silence…though with the worst of them it turns to laughter…sometimes the things I fight are so hard to kill and won’t die…
I think of all the things I’ve done and my blood runs cold. I’ve killed so many times, so many times, in many different ways. I never want to, but it makes me.
I’ve wanted to hurt myself a lot lately. I’m around people all the time though so no time to do so and don’t really have anything sharp enough to do it with especially since all my stuff has been packed up and taken away but I just need all the thoughts to STOP
I’ve been thrown into a dark tunnel with glass shards in it and rolled around while the people outside laughed I was made to crawl through a burning metal tunnel filled with boiling oil I have watched my limbs rot away from poison I have had spiders hatch in my mouth I have been stabbed, shot, raped and beaten too many times to even begin to count, had my head crushed between massive pincers, been torn apart and devoured by wolves I’ve died more ways and times than I can count. Have I died more or have I killed more? I’m just not sure at this point.
Why are my dreams so real? Why are they so real? I can remember every detail.
That thing kills and tortures my loved ones in front of me. In awful ways…then blames me for not being able to save them…or corrupts them…makes them evil too and I’m not sure which is worse, not sure
I’m sure I will. The problem is you can find peace and happiness but you can’t keep it, can’t catch it. Like trying to catch a warm sunbeam on a cold day and keep it with you in your pocket. You can’t really so you just got to enjoy it while it lasts you know? I should be at peace now, all is well, but instead I am restless.
