Everything thats happened all the things ive done. All the times ive hurt people and been hurt by them. All the mistrust and paranoia about the outside world. All the times ive known peoples true intentions and known peoples games. Now thinking how stupid am i for letting my mind take control of my situations and how often ive been controlled by my situations. All the drugs ive partaken in just for an escape from society. The lies and the fear. Me not understanding how to even engage in conversation with people cause the right words just seem float away in the depths of my head. The amount ive scared people through my actions. My existence seems meaningless in the vastness of life and i have nothing to hold on to for support. Everythings changed and i dont know how to get it back to normal. The bright side of me died with that car and now im stuck with half a spirit blindly walking through this path of life with nothing. I want my old life back before all of this. I feel like im in a bad movie
Sorry i had to rant its not been an excellent week
Its a shame that you are having such a hard time…I felt like that for over ten years and I often had suicidal feelings but I have been picking up a lot lately. … my symptoms have decreased drastically. … hold on in there you never know whats around the corner.
Own your actions that, you know, have stemmed from drug/alcohol abuse. Once you sort that, the rest falls into place.
You’ll never quit making mistakes, your mistakes will be a lot more identifiable.
It really is possible to climb out of the ditch of guilt, shame and learned helplessness (see Learned helplessness - Wikipedia).
Aren’t shame and guilt systems of belief?
Isn’t belief really nothing but collections of words about what is… rather than what actually is without all the words about it?
If that is the case, then the following psychotherapies can be counted upon (by scientific research in many, many repeated instances) to un-wire that guilt, shame and learned helplessness about four times out of five. (Those are pretty good odds, wouldn’t you say?)
“‘I’m not enough! This is not enough! I do not have enough!’ I am afraid this is the way culture trains you to think. It is a kind of learned helplessness.”
