I am normally so happy, I take my medication and do my job. However they have been asking me to do more and more hours at work and I simply cannot handle it. On Wednesday I phoned in sick and since then I have been in a very dark place. Everyone I have talked to is in agreement that it is because I am over worked that I have faultered. Now I don’t know what to do, I am 44 years of age and have achieved very little in my life. It does not appear to be schizophrenia that is getting me down, though I am paranoid; it is the aftermarth of having been ill all my adult life. It has meant that I have not done so much that I would like to have done, but I guess every day is another opportunity to turn it all around? I don’t want to commit suicide, though I sometimes think about it. I have negative thoughts about myself, and last night on Facebook I lashed out at some innocent people. So in the middle of the night I deactivated my account. Can’t say why I am writing this though, not sure for what purpose. I guess I am lonely.
Moved to DX’d - Other
You’re definitely not alone, a lot of us go through that. Just a few months ago I also deactivated my fb account, created a new one shortly after to keep in touch with my closest friends, but hardly go there.
Life’s worth living, even with all our troubles.
I know that life is worth living Minni, I am in agreement about this. But if I loose my job again, I will be struggling finacially and that is such a worry. I don’t want to be standing in the cold again, trying to sell worthless junk to people who know better. Sorry I shoulld be more positive, after you have made the effort to reply.
It’s alright, we can’t be positive all the time. It’s a serious struggle. Do you have the option of applying to disability?
Hi Minnii, I get some help because I am working and have a disability. But I am hoping that I will recover enough to go back to work. I spent many years on the sick when I was in my teens and twenties and it was a very deep hole. I like the independance that working affords me, even though it is hard and I know I can’t work full time. But I have been doing very long days, and in the end I could not cope with it anymore. So I don’t really know what to do next!
We have to accept our limits sometimes. I wanted to go back to college this fall, but didn’t feel ready, although I know I could probably make it with difficulty. I prefer to do it when I’m stable and with no risk of burn out.
Burn out is a serious issue, and really dangerous with our condition. Consider that for a moment. There’s nothing wrong in knowing and aknowlegding our limitations.
I can totally understand you, and want to take this on board; however there have been things I have achieved in the past that I have only achieved though denying my disability in the court in my mind. I went back to college in 2000AD and then did a BSc (Hons) in 2003 - 2006AD. If I had allowed the voices coming through the walls the opportunity I would have failed, it was hell but I got through it. The reason that I do not list this as a current achievement, is because I am not using it. Makes me wonder why I ever bothered. It is so hard getting and finding work, that I have been grateful for the work I have had. But your right we should accept our limitations, but not without a fight in order to know where these limitations start and and end.
Thanks for taking the time to reply x
I completely agree. Hope you can sort this problem out. Best of luck 
i might be starting some part time work soon, thinking about peer support worker but i just hope i can handle it, it will be a case of baby steps and looking at my limitations to try and see how far i can go or how much i can take, i dont think it will be much just now but in time i think i could make a little something maybe 10 or 15 hours a week or something.
i hope things work out for you 
Go for it Day Dreamer, working can do so much for you psychologically by increasing confidence etc. But like you say take it slowly at first, to ease into it x
thanks friend i am seeing a jobs specialist who helps people who have had severe mental illness back to work, i really hope i can do something and i am like you say hoping it will help my confidence and give me exercise and just all round better well being i have heard that there are many positives to working, keeping my fingers crossed.
I think it pays us to take heed of what Minnii ws saying about limitations. As although work can be very beneficial, being out of your depth can be very dangerous as I have found after working really long days.
It takes its toll on us whatever our individual constitution maybe. They call it sz burnout; you fighting against the symptoms so long sometimes you feel exhausted. One thing I would advise is not to do is turn over in your mind how long it’s been with you if you feel alone and vulnerable, because that is a mistake. Yes, you have every right to curse all the gods in the universe for giving you sz, and you’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself when no one else will. But don’t let it beat you. Stay strong. You know you are better than the sz so why let it dangle the S word in front of you? Accept your limitations with grace. You aren’t alone here.
Thanks thedeepestdream. I am considering that in this new age of advanced technology maybe I am still delusional. As I am starting to feel better now thanks to talking about it here and with a friend, but I have a tremendous fear of emails. But it is through recognition that I think I can find a way to cope with it. Yes I certainly feel burntout sometimes. Need to take the advise here, and not run before I can walk. But how long should I take to recover from this I do not know. Bloody mood swings, I am on the up and then on the down. Up and down all the time. Thanks for talking with me, it means a lot to me.
I’m out of my hole, I had to give up my job though, to actually get out and it turns out I have high bood pressure which I am now being medicated for. All in all I feel much better so I thank you all again for your supportive comments. I start a new, less demanding, job soon and although I won’t have as much money at least I will have my health. I am looking forward to it, and spending some time imbetween doing art work.
i am glad that you are doing better. your health is definitely the first priority and i wish you luck with your new job