That’s what I wanna do.
I wanna flee to somewhere nobody knows me and claim to be paperless so they can’t ID me.
I want to run away too but not for the same reasons. I live with my grandmother and she has alzhiemers. My mom and aunt get the house when she passes and they’re dumping the responsibility of taking care of her on me. I’m on disability and can barely take care of myself. I’ve been stashing a lot of money away for years and I’ve contemplated just taking off.
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miika. i am going through something similar. i want to use those feelings and go somewhere good.
i wanna use those feelings and face the fact that i have to do something about wanting friends and not just family in my life.
it is possible to meet friends. it takes work, effort, creative genius, and hope.
that’s how i feel. i hope this helps you.
hugs, judy
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I have people who claim to be my friends. And I don’t doubt that they genuinely think they like me.
I just don’t think there’s really much about the real me to like, and I feel I do people more harm than good.
You are self-criticising and self-doubting at the moment. You must seriously be depressed. I just read a book on Alfred Adler‘’'s phylosophy. Adler insists the value of every human life which means the mere existence of a person is precious to his/her family and community. So don’t judge a person by his/her function or contribution. If you can cherish unconditionally every human life even a pet, then you have the right to be chreshed unconditionally by your family, your friends and your community.
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Thank you. If there is one thing about me I genuinely like, it’s my ability to like/love/cherish every soul I encounter
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I hate that if I have enough negative interactions in a row, it spirals me into this mindset. That’s why the pdoc thought I have bpd. Too bad I can’t afford her often.
I wonder if my reaction of running away is yet another attempt to abandon people before they abandon me?
I ran away. I don’t recommend it. I was so much more miserable than I had ever been before. I nearly DID die, and once I was faced with the reality of dying anonymously and being forever labelled a Jane Doe in the morgue somewhere, I realized that wasn’t actually preferable to trying to improve the life I had.
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I’m not too concerned with improving my life, my life doesn’t matter. I feel it would improve the lives of those around me if I wasn’t in it.
I don’t care about dying anonymously if those who might miss me already consider me gone. My only wish is that it happens in a way where my organs can be harvested and improve life for someone who needs it.
That is a really dark place to be in. I’m sorry you feel like that. Have you considered the possibility of going back home? I know you want to live independently, but your family loves you and have previously said they would welcome you back with open arms. They have made it clear they miss you.
Are you depressed? When off meds I get urges to travel and build a new life alone in a far country. I went to Germany for 5-6 months, it was hell, I was very psychotic and unmedicated.
I don’t want to burden them with taking care of me
This can be the case for psychosis too. I experienced it off meds.
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My family called the Canadian federal police to search for me in Germany, they told my family they cant help.
I think you severely underestimate the pain of losing a child. You would not be sparing them anything. I can’t even tell you how painful it was to have to say goodbye to the babies, and how much it still eats me up inside to know I might never see them again. And they’re still alive. I can’t even imagine what it is like to know your kid is dead.
I do know what I saw when my dad died, in my grandma and grandpa. In my aunts and uncles. I know they still haven’t recovered from it 14 years later. I know it destroyed our entire family to lose him and nobody has ever gotten over it.
Depression tells you everyone would be better off without you. It is a liar. Everyone will be so much worse forever without you, and they will never ever be as happy as they are when you are alive.
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You must be very strong to take care of someone with Alzheimer alone while having sz and being on disability!
DENMARK CRISIS LINE
NORWEIGAN CRISIS LINE
I dont know if you have used these before or if they are good resources, but I’m leaving them here anyways. You are an important person to this community and to your family. You help a lot of people here and we would all be worse off if you stopped coming here.
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I doubt if people think you’re a burden. I’ve ran away many times. It can be traumatic. They say immigrants have a higher incidence of schizophrenia. I first got symptoms after moving far away.