I'm feeling very hopeful, my meds are working great, and I'm almost a month sober from stimulants

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Stimulant addiction was hell, but I was able to overcome it with the new med that I am on, Vraylar. I am almost a month sober now! But what I realize is the problem now is the herbal supplement I take called kratom. It doesn’t produce any noticeable high, just a mood boost and is now being studied for it’s novel anti-psychotic properties. It helps with the voices. However I noticed that I am anxious and restless and fatigued if I don’t have it, so I am tapering down from that now. I didn’t realize it could cause a mild withdrawal symptom because my doctor said it was safe to take! But I don’t like being physically dependent on anything other than my antipsychotic medication.

My plan is to taper down just in time for when I go to the monastery in December. I’m going to go as slow as possible so I don’t have any trouble. I am going back to San Francisco on Friday because I can’t handle my dad’s shifting and unreliable moods (unmedicated bipolar). But the good thing is, he’s in a better mood now, so I will be able to reconcile things with him before I leave.

My mom and brother in San Francisco are both doing a DBT program 3 hours a week, and I’m very proud of the progress they’ve made. Hopefully things will be less stressful and triggering when I go back. I truly believe I will make it to February 12 without being hospitalized, which will mean it will be my first FULL YEAR out of the hospital since being diagnosed!

I am going to go back to the psychosis clinic there, but I have a referral for a clinical psychologist certified as a Jungian Analyst and a referral for a psychiatrist too. I am going to start working towards my goal of becoming a priest. I don’t know if the monastery is right for me, or a more apostolic/active life, so I am going on two retreats over December, 10 days at the monastery, and 1 day at the Augustinian house.

If I decided to join the Augustinians or another active order, you know what I would do?? I will become a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and get certified as a Jungian Analyst. That way, I can incorporate that way of serving people with my vocation as a priest, since this order focuses on outreach to impoverished communities in Latin America, and I think a PMHNP would be invaluable for that. I have been encouraged by clinicians in the past to go into the mental health field because of my vast knowledge of psychopharmacology.

I don’t know for sure what the future holds but I feel that after these 5 years of being SZ I am finally starting to recover, and I am no longer viewing my life as something that just “happens” to me, I am taking AGENCY to shape my own life.

Side question: What do you guys think of Jungian therapy? Have you ever tried it? It’s not usually regarded as the “gold standard” for psychosis (that’s CBT), but there is a lot of evidence for it’s effectiveness, and I personally think it would be a great fit because it’s very spiritual-oriented and I’m a very spiritual person. I’ll let you guys know how it goes.

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Kratom would be blocked by my meds. I take an opioid blocker called naltrexone and kratom in turn would have zero effect on me. Before I started naltrexone I was taking kratom but I felt like I could only take it 1 times per day. I didn’t like that aspect of it otherwise I may still be taking it (excluding the fact that naltrexone has saved my life in many different ways than just addiction)…Kratom is very much like an opioid. Although its like marijuana in the idea it has different strains that produce different effects and its a natural pain reliever.

Just giving u some background on kratom. Ive heard it could be helpful but also habit forming. Honestly I was turned off by the quick tolerance build-up with kratom. But I did find it to be enjoyable and maybe helpful with my mental health in some ways.

Jungian analyst?? My idol Terence McKenna said he wanted to be part of the Jungian society much of his young adulthood before changing his path. Does this have to do with this???

Just live 1 day at a time. Have your goals. But its important to live 1DAAT (1 day at a time)
regardless of how many goals have

that has helped me tremendously.

When im having a bad day and projecting a lot I say its one day at a time. It helps me a ton.

Congrats on all your progress. Keep it up!!

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Nah not a big fan of McKenna. I’ve just been super interested in Jung since I was 13. Yeah, this is why I’m tapering off the kratom, because I didn’t realize it was habit forming. I feel like my doctor should have warned me but I guess she didn’t know. It definitely was helpful as an antipsychotic though. It is a partial mu-opioid agonist but also acts on serotonin and alpha-2-adranergic receptors.

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how often do you take it???

I would need like 4x the amount the second time in a day to get half the feeling as the first time…but then when I slept my tolerance would reset.

Im too all or nothing to be limited to doing a drug 1x per day lol. Unfortunately

McKenna was into Jung so maybe you should consider listening to McKenna talk about the Jungian society if you ever wanted to check out McKenna again :frowning:

Im not into psychedelics anymore but he helps me understand my experiences better.

Even if some things he was just straight up WRONG about. What he thought 30 years after they recorded him they wouldn’t pick up on his falsities that he spoke of??? I still love his material

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Kratom is similiar in effects to Kava Kava and Kava Kava has some good AP traits to it; but may worsen the side effects of APs if taken together.

Problem is, not all Kava Kava products are safe; as some articles claim that it could damage your liver.

Anyhoo, see how it goes, talk to your pdoc and see if they let you continue taking Kratom.

I might just look into it again and mention it to my pdoc.

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They are similar, but kratom causes dependency unlike kava. I don’t have like crippling withdrawal symptoms or anything, but it’s annoying enough that I don’t want to take it anymore.

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Yeah, kava has this weird reverse tolerance which is fkn cool but I’ve never heard of any drug having that.

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