people think I’m disgusting and gross and can’t stand to be around me. They are thinking: “Ugh, gross”, in their heads when they look at me. I sense this about my partner, people standing around me in Church, people I volunteer with, basically everybody who see’s me.
I take a bath once a week or more. I brush my teeth and hair every day. I’m just as clean as I ever was.
I think this has to do with my decrease in Seroquel down to 100 mg at night. (Down from 200 mg.) But I can’t go back up any more. I’m at the very most I can be on and still have a functioning GI tract.
I think you’re saying “Don’t like me, don’t get close to me. Because I have been hurt in unknown ways and I’m likely to respond with unexpected hostility.” You just really don’t want to win any popularity contests right now and want to keep your distance. The repulsiveness ideas are just a story. That’s ok. It’s ok to want to protect yourself and others.