@SurprisedJ Thank you for your concern! I’m back after one night in the ER followed by ten days in the hospital. I was manic from the Neurontin, and after my horrible pdoc appointment, had one day where I had severe depression where I was hysterically sobbing. The stress from everything that was happening, with my friend’s death, running out of aid for school, my friends abondening me, my car dying, and a host of other things, led to me becoming very psychotic. In addition to the voices and visuals, I would have these two minute glitches where every belief I had about life was delusional and it was justified to kill. I went to the ER because I was afraid these glitches would last longer and I would do something. My first couple of days in the hospital were hell. I was having positive, negative, and cognitive symptoms. I was just so unclear. They fed me PRNs of Haldol like it was pez and eventually things became clear again. I had an ECT treatment and they raised my Geodon. When I first got there they put me on Lounge because they were concerned the demon was telling me to do things. That meant I had to stay in the Lounge including sleeping there. If I had to use the bathroom someone had to take me. I hated it. I couldn’t think straight enough to take a shower or change my clothes, there were just too many steps involved. The weekend after I got there and was doing better the pdoc, who saw me when I first came in, met with me and was impressed with how much better I was doing. He said I was very psychotic when I first came in.
The day before I was discharged I was still having hallucinations and delusions, but I was not consumed by them. I think I will always have symptoms. And there are times when they completely go away. It’s just something I’m going to have to live with.
After I was discharged I met with my new pdoc. He was awesome! He knew his stuff and is devoted to keeping me out of the hospital. He’s actually the one who trained my pdoc that does my ECT. He’s taking me off of the Lexapro because I told him I have sexual side effects and am still having panic attacks. He is also willing to prescribe me Klonopin so I feel better.
Also my mom got a new car through work so she gave me her car. It feels so weird to have my own car again, and one that has AC and a radio.
There are so many blessings that have been bestowed upon me that I know are from my Buddhist practice. Never again will I stop chanting. 
So glad you took that step to take care of yourself. I think that`s why all the good stuff happened afterwards. If you are on the right path, all the right things will happen.
Welcome back!**
I am sorry to hear you had to go to hospital. But glad your back and have some things going your way.
I’m really glad you bounced back so well. Glad your feeling better, mobile again and feeling better. You sound better too.
A good doc can make all the difference.
@bridgecomet Thanks! That’s an interesting perspective, but things were crashing and burning all around me. My mom suggested that I try chanting. I was desperate to try anything. In between sobs I chanted. The next day good things kept happening. I’ve been chanting since and I keep getting benefits. So for me it works.
@SurprisedJ Thanks! And thanks for realizing I wasn’t on the forums. You’re a good friend, even if I have never met you. I’m a totally different person then 10 days ago. It’s amazing how any of us can take a turn for the worst. This illness is like a sleeping dragon. Never underestimate its devastation. I hope all is well with you.
You can very much say that again. I have many ways to relate to that sentence.