In fact i somatize so bad in the evenings, that my body gets very low in energy… I cant move much then. But i am fed up. Probably its the case, cause my thinking is ill still. So i decided to just say “stop” to this torturing thinking… In fact, i did it today and it worked a bit… I really should stop feeling my brain in my head and just be in my zombie land in my head… Ill hope ill suceed the coming days too… But its a pity i wasted 20 years in this 
. My thinking will need time to recover after twenty years of ole ole land… At least now i know its an illness, i am on meds who lessen a bit my fears, but i guess now its up to me to recover this mind… But i am old… i am 37 years old and just the madness behind me… Lots of isolation and loneliness too. But i’ll continue trying.
What do you think on this “stop” strategy? I didnt find nothing better tbh… Thinking more and more as possible helps but i try its not way too much either… In a way, now i try to balance my thinking… The meds never did this… And because of this, it was very painful emotionally and physically too.
I also go out a bit more, but i walk with my delusions still. But whatever, lets fight 
Who else was a big loner because of his illness too? Ill hope that 37 years old are still nice years…but yes, its a pity all this wasted time…
Lets hope for the best now. And thanks for reading, you were great for all this time! 
I guess i’ll still need some small time to recover after the shock of this illness… My thoughts were bad, my emotions too, all that i lost through the years etc etc… i am still not able to join a party for example without being paranoid… I hope this will come too 
.
Who else went very alone too?
Hugs
So no one? My question was if I am right to count mostly on myself now? My main too problems still are my paranoia in the day and the low energy in the evenings…
But even my doc said, that the meds helped me already. For the rest, I guess I should work now, isn’t it? Does somebody here got better on his paranoia with just trying and efforts? Is it possible to recover on the paranoia just by exposing and efforts?
But in the end, we ran out of options with the meds, so I am alone now with all this, yeap 
I push myself now more than before .I work on my thinking, emotions too etc etc… I still have my legs who become weak by paranoia from the others, but maybe i’ll do it with the time and efforts.
Hugs
I can really relate to all you saying here. I’m 46 and have wasted most of my life and am still trying to recover, but the delusions I have are very strong, the isolation all that stuff you said. I guess I always wanted to break free form it, but couldn’t. It’s like I don’t even know who I could have been if all this didn’t happen to me. It’s a lot like I’ve been in the vietnam war for a super long time and have PTSD somewhat.
Yeah, its always a shock especially when we realize a bit better our situations… We should fight though. My meds help, but quite a few i find yes. We need them, but i am not from the people who go completely symptoms free from the meds. I have a work to do on myself. Can the paranoia get better just by efforts? But i cant count anymore on my meds for this. You were right, the aps would have helped in three years… I take the meds just to be able to fight.
Briantex, you are a friend in struggle. Take care
In fact its the Zyprexa also who kills my energy and messes up badly with my brain for some 2 hours after it take… I am now sure of this, its not only the illness 
… But I tolerate only this ap, the others make me crazier and worse… Its a pity… My brain seems to me as dead and sleepy already from the illness since kid and now this ap… Maybe in the future, when my mind awakens more, i’ll feel less this Zyprexa…
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