It never ends! Between the bipolar crap and the schizophrenia crap, it seems like I’m always struggling with something! My bipolar symptoms have worsened. My medication is effective enough on the nonrealities I deal with, but I’m still having daily psychosomatic/ hallucinatory bodily effects. I’m getting annoyed with disruptive auditory hallucinations. Tired of hallucinations, tired of anxiety, tired of bipolar crap too.
Another thing is all the cognitive issues. I made some progress with that with supplements, niacin helps. But I feel disinheartened after going over 3 bank statements. I used to be aces with record keeping. It was a disaster. I made about 8 errors in the past three months. I’m declining on those functions year after year. I can’t seem to remain completely stable. My brain is crosswired, I constantly hit the wrong keys while typing and texting. I struggled in a math class this summer, I start 2 more classes in 2 weeks that are going to be a struggle.
Now I’m using caffeine for depression, it helps, but it makes my brain even more crosswired. My cognitive symptoms are worse with the caffeine, but it is helping with the depression. I just keep getting worse every year! I forgot to pay the rent at the first of the month, and I had to pay a $25 late fee. I’ve been afraid for months or years to forget to pay the rent, and it finally happened.
I wish I knew how to stop the degeneration and decline! I’m still holding on to a part time job which I have no energy for. I wish there really were a cure for this thing! Yeah, me and a lot of other people.