I wish i was permanently in an institution

I can’t cope anymore
I wish i was locked away again indefinitely. I dont have any life and can’t enjoy anything

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Sometimes being hospitalized for a week can be a big relief.

I don’t think you should be committed indefinitely.

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Going to the psych hospital actually made me worse than before I went in.
In the hospital the first time, they only gave me 1mg of risperidone.
When I got out of the hospital I was still unstable so I was quickly re admitted

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I think it was the psych hospital that made me delusional. It was traumatizing. I wish to never go back.

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I dream a lot at night about being in hospital but it’s positive dreams. My memories from hospital were sometimes good but never really bad. I remember being bored out of my mind and missing home but it was also nice being cared for and healing and talking to other patients.

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The first time I went to the hospital they really ■■■■■■ with me. I felt guilty of murder and they kept making announcements that anyone who wanted to confess to a crime come to the dayroom. The police were there. They wouldn’t let me have access to my wallet. All the other patients could order pizza and Chinese but not me. They kept showing news reports that a hurricane was headed to my wife’s location in New Orleans. These news reports look like they were made in someone’s garage. No network ID. I have googled it. There was no hurricane near New Orleans in the first two weeks of August in 2008.

You can google it yourself. There were stories about my life in the newspaper in the dayroom. To this day I still don’t watch the news. Read the paper or go to news websites.

The patients knew things about me there was no way they could have known unless someone told them.

I thought everyone was an actor for years. Did a number on me.

I hate hospitals.

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I was nine weeks in hospital this time last year I was fine for first few weeks while they had me on lorazepam
After they stopped lorazepam I had extreme anxiety I could not get of the bed I asked nurses to bring me food but they didn’t often do it then they sent me home

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Ive had horrible times in hospital
Idk
I can’t cope with everyday life

I cannot either the simplest tasks are difficult

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Over 35 years I’ve learned to live without a structured life. If you’re not a danger to yourself or others they don’t want you these days. It shouldn’t be that way but it’s worked out for the best for me. I wanted to be institutionalized until they closed down the nice hospitals, which weren’t really nice unless you had become institutionalized. You can’t go back to the hospital for forever. I’ve been 41 times.

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That is a lot 41 times @Jinx

Idk im not coping :pensive: i feel like i wish i was in hospital again indefinitely and they could throw away the key
I feel like this often enough
What purpose does my life have?
I have no purpose or pleasure in anything
I haven’t any positive emotions or feelings for years
I might as well be locked up

I can’t cope with the pressure of being in any relationship with anyone
I can’t cope with anything
I lie on the sofa in silence or sleep in my bed because i can’t cope with noise i can’t watch tv or read or listen to music very often. I have no friends. I get paranoid even going out anywhere. My life is hell.

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That’s my worst nightmare!

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Wouldn’t wanna be anywhere near a hospital. I don’t suffer fools easily and they run those places.

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Institutions are terrible, you should value your freedom. I spent 8 months in a hospital, I couldn’t imagine spending a year or two years or more. Standing in line for meals, only able to do your laundry on certain days, standing in a freezing, flooded shower room taking turns with 6 other people to take a shower, being locked up in a small space with 80 other people and getting new people in all the time and your friends suddenly released and gone one day, sharing a room with three other people, people stealing. And any hospital I was ever in was boring as hell. No thanks.
My life ain’t great but I have freedom to come and go as I please and eat what I want, when I want. I have my own room and can stay up late as I please or sleep in late. Play my music and watch what I want on TV. I don’t have to put up with 80 other people who may or may not be interested in getting along.

Things change. I’ve gone through periods of hell. Things get better.
I went through the mill of group homes and hospitals. You go through hell inside group homes and hospitals too. Being institutionalized doesn’t make you happy.

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@77nick77

Thanks nick, you’ve given me some perspective back. Idk whats wrong with me when i think like this, i just reach the pits of despair. Thanks nick

Ps i spent 20 months straight in hospital and it was tough going, similar to how you described but i had my own room.

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Being treated like a child and being called grandiose because you ain’t as stupid as your ‘carers’ ain’t great either.

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I was hospitalized 7 times and my subsequent ones weren’t like the first one. Schizophrenia hit me like a brick. I went from fully functional to a pile of oat hangars in like 2 to 3 days.

I think they figured out something was really wrong with me. I was able to order food and even go to a kiosk in the hospital on my later trips.

The last time I was there when I quit taking my meds they were really trying to help me.

But that first trip did permanent damage. I have serious issues with the government.

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I hate being at the hospital. You only sleep, eat and watch tv. It’s so boring. I thought it would be something out of the extraordinary seeing all the different people there. Perhaps hear interesting life stories. But you don’t. So boring there.

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I don’t. But I feel someone in my body. I hope I will be ignored and live a happy life. I don’t want to be on tv or have people watch images in my mind which are not mine. Everyday the people in my body are nefarious and trying to ruin me or my thoughts. I don’t want to die or things to get worse. I have been abused by these people. I don’t know how they do this.