I could see what would have happened if I’d made different decisions.
I constantly wonder about what might have been.
But maybe this is the best I could have done.
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I don’t think we could have avoided sz.
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I don’t know. For instance, I think smoking tobacco at 26 triggered mine. Maybe.
I’d like to know what life would have been like if I didn’t drink or smoke. I like to know what life would have been like if I hadn’t met certain people.
Stuff like that.
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I never heard of that causing sz. Cannabis maybe but not tobacco. I never smoked or used nicotine before sz.
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If not for one bad experience I wouldn’t get drug induced psychosis. Lead me down a bad path. Previously I was self medicating. Or things that happened as a kid. I have so many what ifs. One thing leads to another.
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I think ppl self medicate because they have a mental illness. 50% of szics have illicit drug or alcohol addiction problems, 70% nicotine. Mentally ill ppl are more prone to addictions.
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I don’t think I’m Sz. I had ddnos and ocd and blank mind syndrome and maybe ptsd as a kid. But when I was 19 I was self medicating with lsd and high school kids broke into my house and caused a bad trip. On purpose. Because idk why. Before that it was good. But when people throw knives at the wall. And ■■■■ with you. And steal from you and trash your house and you don’t know them on a drug like that you’re gonna have a bad time. And become psychotic. Then on the comedown my friend calls me up and says “YOUR EGO”. And I said “I know!!!” And it was very confusing and caused my psychosis but I’m mostly in remission from psychosis now 12 years later more deal with trauma and anxiety and seasonal depression now.
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Before sz I had very smart friends but when sz happened I left them all as I don’t connect with them anymore, not compatible anymore. Many of my friends became Drs as I went to the best college in my city, my best friend became a cardiologist. One guy I know became a neurosurgeon, this guy had the highest R score ever in my college.
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In high school my 2nd or 3rd best friend got a 2400 on his Sats first try. He went to Columbia. He probably did something to do with China. He wanted to be like an ambassador to China. He knew Chinese almost fluently. He was an interesting guy.
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I have no friends from my hs I ran into girls at a library from high school they give me like a dirty look. But then they felt bad so I forgave them.
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Its actually the best French college in my province, Quebec.
You do lol its called your imagination i guess haha
Imagination + logic = accurate predictor tv
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You’re probably right !
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Yea man I saw a girl who had a crush on me since high school, she was in my class during most high school and during college. Here you have to pass college first to be able to apply for university. She used to take selfies with me and tag me on facebook. Anyways I saw her a while ago in a shopping mall and she didn’t even recognize me. She’s married now and is a pharmacologist. She was from Cambodia.
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I’m surprised they even recognized me. I look way different. It induces my paranoia that they do recognize me lol. I once saw my biggest crush from hs at a restaurant. I never talked to her but I became the statistician for girls basketball and I did the stats for the road games for jv sometimes and she was on the team. It was embarrassing when some girls were making fun of me. I was so shy in hs but I could hardly even speak. I remember a substitute teacher asked me my name and I could barely even mouth my name after 3 tries I had so much anxiety/disassociation. At that point I never tried alcohol , tobacco, weed, drugs or caffeine at all really either. And I was fd up mentally like that
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It would be cool tho haha 
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Would it do you any good?
If I don’t know how my life would have turned out if I’d have done things differently, I’ll at least be able to convince myself things are as good as they could be.
If a TV showed me how much bette my life would have been if I had made different choices, I honestly think I’d yeet myself off a cliff.
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Very good point !!