I need to accept but it's so hard to let go

I need to accept that I’m on meds and will be for many many years and most probably life. It sucks man, I was well, slim and fit then started smoking then smoked a spliff one night and bang my head went. Wish I could go back in to the past and put everything to rights.

Same here. I keep daydreaming about the day the illness is gone. But that’s not gonna happen just have to get used to the idea.

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Same here. Used to be skinny. Then I smoked some weed and salvia and I ended up in the matrix lol.


if it’s any small consolation you might have got sick no matter what you did. The studies I’ve seen say that marijuana alone cannot cause schizophrenia. It can trigger it in someone who had the propensity to get it anyway. If this is true then you can quit blaming yourself. It’s probably a small consolation.


True but maybe I would have gotten it later or maybe it wouldn’t be as bad.

I fully recovered from this illness once thats why one joint made me relapse. I believe it was the weed as when I was a teenager I was smoking it everyday, surely it was not good for me.

Maybe you’ll learn quicker. There are positives and negatives of getting it later. Sz is all I know so I’m used to it by now, but normalcy would be nice to know also. Psychedelics really brought on my psychosis but I’ve never been “normal”

I’ve been a loner my whole life. Is that normal?

Not “normal” per say, but what’s normal? Maybe you were off a little which caused you to isolate because you were displaying early signs of sz. I wish high school therapy and guidance was more of a thing. I drifted through hs, no one ever helped me even though there was clearly something wrong with me. There was no choice but to turn to drugs. You’re still young. As you gain more clarity and insight after psychotic breaks you will be able to identify better what was “normal” and not normal I think.

I think about this too; that I will most likely be on medications for the rest of my life. I would like to have a boyfriend or be married someday. I’m 31. I’m not getting any younger. I think “who would want to deal with this mess? Would anyone understand and accept me?”.

It’s a tough road, but we are the ones that can make it more bearable. I haven’t mastered that yet.

Smoking couldn’t have caused it. I’ve never smoked in my life. Unless it was prenatal, womb induced - which is possible as my mother did her fair share of experimenting before I was even conceived/born. I blamed it on e-blockers that I took, but dozens of people use them when they bodybuild or compete in an athletic setting, so if they’re healthy… how did I end up with SZ?

Sucks. I really want someone or something to blame, but can’t seem to figure it out. Part of me wants to blame my biological parents, of which were heavy smokers & drinkers. 80’s YOLO’ers.


life started getting better for me when I started trying to make today better then yesterday.

You’ll get to your goal… it’s just by a different path.

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