I will not die hated and alone

I went out to dinner tonight with both my sisters and an old friend of theirs. I met the friend in 1980 which was about the time I first got sick. My older sister was sharing a house with her and two other people and even though I was at my sickest, I would visit them frequently. She’s really nice, and she has always been nice to me. Her standing with me went way up in my eyes because she told my sister that she thought I was handsome awhile back. Anyway, we were eating and I said something that has been on my mind lately.

I told them that I was going to die hated and alone. The friend assured me that I wouldn’t, and my sisters told me I wouldn’t either. So that made me feel better. And I’ve known this women all this time but for some reason just these last few years I got it in my head that she didn’t like me. Well, I told my sister that Stacy didn’t like me. My sister was kind of shocked. She asked where did I get that idea?
My sister said she’s always liked me and my sister said that most people like me and people think I’m nice. Whew, what a relief. It’s not fun walking around feeling hated. Anyway I made it home and did some stuff and I’m going to bed early.

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I don’t hate you, I think you’re too cool for school.

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Why would anybody hate you, no reason, I hate nobody, it is much more peaceful in this way, some people may like you and some people may not, this is the way of the life, you can not satisfy everybody, I suppose it can be enough when people accept you, just my thoughts …

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Thanks @anon84763962.

Thanks @mjseu. …

I sometimes worry that I will die old and filled with regret. I hope it’s something quick, like a massive heart attack, and not something slow. I probably have pissed some people off enough to make them hate me, but I have to do what I think is best with my life. One thing that scares me is that I could be looking at a big, nasty shot of Haldol at the end.

I worry about my situation sometimes as I only have two family members left in town and have a bother and nieces who are far away. However I find I am slowly making friends where I’m at as I improve and don’t feel that things are as hopeless as they once were. I do doubt there will be many people at my funeral but how our lives end is not as important as what we do when we are living them.