since i have my diagnosis i am in the seek of positive emotions, of some well being. but maybe its not my illness you know… in my file from the hospital, it was written that i suffer from intellectual deficiency… but maybe its really my main problem cause i am inactive since years? i mean my dying brain? i make some tests from time to time and i have good scores though… i have still some knowledges i find but idk what i miss really… do i miss positive emotions, peace or i became just dumb? wow. maybe its a cocktail of all this… i wish i feel something on my meds but nada… i dont feel anything, no positive vibe…
do you think its the reason of our sz? that my brain remained inactive for years? so if its this, i think ill never recover. i spent 17 years being inactive…grrrh
no one? do you think we can recover besides the fact that i spent 17 years inactive almost on every point? sz is like a dementia or its some other thing? yeah, these cognitive symptoms suck… but like i say, i see that i still have some knowledges but i lack self confidence. but some other things i just dont get them.
i need your hope in order to continue living… my mind is lighter from dark thoughts now that i am on Zyprexa but i am afraid i spent too many years like this, without doing nothing. i guess its a bad prognosis. my ex pdoc didn’t believe in me…