I lack what i call this “something”. I got that i should do things, but understand me too. Without feeling this something which will make me feel alive and happier, its just a pointless life. Instead of this smth, i feel my brain in my head. I am also lost on every aspect of my personnality. I even dont know what is my sxuality, my tastes etc etc… i hope that meds will work one day. My doc says that i lack mostly calm. No matter that my illness is more in the passivity. In my head, its not calm yeap… maybe i lack joy, idk. But yes, i wait for this something instead of my fantaisies and some rubbish inner world of mine.
Hang in here you will feel not alone
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So i should firstly aim the calm and the emotions afterwards? Maybe this is my only way no? I find that i am calmer in the day with the bigger dose of zyprexa. I even feel less my brain in my head wow. But i still cant think or feel well. I think that some of you here have rich emotional life. Its not my case. I even dont talk anymore sometimes, but i try now. I lack ideas. You know, one friend adviced me to do electrochocs, but i am afraid it will make me even dumber than i am now…
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Love yourselves as you are
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How painful it sounds to be so self-aware of your illness. I have it too, but I have never been able to see it and express it as you do. There are many things lost with this illness. You mention emotions and ideas. Perhaps what is missing is happiness and joy. I do believe that when you gain such strong insights this is a first step to gaining recovery. We are all different and I hope you can believe in some recovery in the future.
I am trying my best to understand. Could your thinking be tainted by depression? Sometimes as depression lifts the thoughts improve.
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anna we’re all the dealing with the same things. its best to use coping strategies to not obsess about the illness
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elavil made me feel again. resperidone was bad for me. i cry more often and am happy about it. it feels so good to finally get it out.
I have a problem with feeling things too. Feel often very dead and unmotivated. Just came out of hospital so I guess it will take some time to feel stable and something again.
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