I want to blame my mother for my issues. For bringing me to this world with such shitty genetics - anxiety runs in the family.
It’s not her fault!
Why do I think like this? Why do I want to tell her she’s a failure that she shouldn’t have brought babies to this world?
My mother is a good person. She never tells me negative stuff, she never puts me down, she never yells at me!
This is correct. It’s not really predictable. My mother brought my 2 other sisters into the world, and they didnt have any MI issues.
My father, on some level blames himself for my schizophrenia.
But I told him I won the parent lottery growing up and that my affliction has nothing to do with my upbringing.
My father doesn’t give two cents about me. He thinks I need to get a job.
If I’d tell him about my illness he’d probably ignore me. He knows I’m mentally ill, he just doesn’t understand what’s wrong about me. He doesn’t even know what schizophrenia is.
Suffering makes you think shitty things.
Honestly, I am in exactly the same situation. Personally, I have little reasons to hate my mother, but I just do. With a passion. Of course I can come up with explanations, but to a normal person they wouldn’t sound reasonable or at least seem overly emotional.
+++ Maybe it’s just a strong sense of “I don’t deserve to suffer” combined with an easy target to shift blame towards, like a mother.
Perhaps you are right. I’m trying to take the cowards way out to make myself feel good. Like it would help?? Ha!
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