Ok, in fact i was having only 2 irl friendships, they are mis too…
Today i was a bit agitated, maybe i was a bit tough, mainly cause i keep talking about my suffering…
But ive always tried to not hurt them in any way, believe me, am good on that 
I often tried to uplift the one, who is bipolar, but she even told me in the past, that Satan is in me and she’s a judger too, often saying that this one or that one is evil…
In fact i stopped caring about her ignorance…
But today i was in lots of pain and i occupied her too much probably…
In fact yeap… I can be in lots of pain, physical too, the isolation too probably made this worse…
Its depressing to lose a friend yeah…
Idk if i can survive without anyone whom to talk on the phone…
The rest is that i still have some acquaintances on messenger, they even like me or support me, but i dont dare to bother much, i also cant go out with them yet…
Idk if anyone can survive without friends?..
Believe me, my mind now is way more obsessed with the virtues, but i can agree, that i still get weak sometimes, which is not probably the coolest then to have me around…
Ok, am left with my mom now, who doesn’t give support anymore, she stopped believing in my well-being… One quack even told her, that I’ll always be in pain, i try to prove wrong even that gosh…
Hugs all
I’ve lost friends for various reasons and it definitely hurts.
Your friend sounds ill, rather than judgmental.
My so called friend recently backstabbed me in the worst possible way, i’ve been trying to ignore him but he is just everywhere, i think he is turning people against me as well, telling lies about me, its pretty awful.
“Friends” betraying and lying and inciting hate is very hurtful.
I don’t have sny friends either .
Almost every one I ever met wanted to “enslave “ my energy n steal my inner beauty n energy n riches and use me and traffick against will n nasty stuff .
In Sweden 
I’m thinking one single man was true .
Sometimes being true hurts if they offering money n stolen energy etc takes admirable qualities to be real n not a sell out etc
I always said not for sale but had malicious ones acting as me against my will n restrain invisible n threat etc
My real eyes were not in my own body nor my real colours n aura n spirit n nature etc
No one wanted to appreciate value treat with kindness respect and enjoy each other company and be real and so or maybe a few possibly .
I get essence taken n so
They don’t love your inner beauty n tror eyes they want to be it n feel it because I feel beautiful loving peaceful n good so they want to “be me” n feel like me while I suffer n sometimes malicious them act as me in abusive ways etc
Been molested n raped n bullied n stolen from etc
I am bullied excluded abused opressed stolen from in psychological ways now even .
Alone almost amoung a horrible people fake steal lie bully belittle opress abuse etc
Possibly a couple are true beauts .
I would love to have real friends and people and real family n so .
So drained n exhausted they work in my eye time n energy etc
These never lived me but hated me n when I loved them they just hated me even more n when I forgave them they disrespected n hated more than ever .
They don’t deserve access to me .
One day one find ones beings that are true beaut .
Keep faith in that .
Shocking whole countries in on such horrible cruelty to me .
How do I one person defend myself when I’m unarmed n peaceful n so many of them .
No-one deserves to feel that way x
I don’t want any friends now
It’s got to a point where I am content without them
Also makes things far less complicated
I believe you.
Although I have no idea what you consider to be a virtue. Please tell me.
I am obsessed with recovery. The “virtues” I need for that are: patience, optimism, good sleep, a lot of communication (with friends, family, doctor, strangers, and here on the forum), physical exercise and brain training.
It’s not going to be easy. You can though. What really is important now is how you deal with this. Your mindset will help or hinder you now. i wish you the best. I’m sorry you have to go through this too
Oh, Andrey, well, i had some bad traits, so i talk even in a biblical meaning as things like love, patience, peace etc, but dont take this seriously too…
In fact i found lately some a bit fanatic acquintances, they talk to me only about those kind of things and how all the suffering in us is just sins, but this is totally wrong too!!!
Dont fall into that…
Yes, i had a bad attitude for a time, but it wasnt sins gosh…
It was pain too, when i was acting poorly, the rest is a just an illness and i wont listen to much of that bs too much…
Idk about these people… You act a bit badly from pain, they blame you on just…
Ive been through such a self blaming on myself for years, that at one point i thought, that i dont deserve even to be talked too, this still pops up in my mind in fact…
I wasnt even talking to the quacks, they only guessed with me and made me a guinea pig for the most…
I found my treatment years ago, its zyprexa and klonopin and one pdoc was just right, that in my case, it’ll take me years to recover on the meds, because i isolated for 2 decades and this kills a mind, the soul, the body, the heart and it wont happen by a miracle…
Anyone at my place, would have gone crazy with the same…
In fact, i feel sick since kid too and until not long ago, i wasnt even talking, while i was alive inside and those hideen emotions were etaing me up literally…
Thats it…
Dont worry Andrey, its doable. Stay healthy and kind, allow the joy and the happiness in your life, keep the meds , love yourself too etc… 
Yeap, for sure the too much pain changes the people for the worse, but its not our fault, i put years to understand this…
Hugs
Pretty much same. Sometimes i get sad and lonely but most of the time i just dont want friends. They want way too much interaction that i cant keep up with
Do some of your friends have a mental illness? They must be going through a lot
and be not feeling well themselves. I have lost contact with most of my friends and right now I’m not feeling well. But if you have family maybe talk to them or your counselor or pdoc. I hope you feel better.
I had friends who had a mental illness before, a lot of them listened to how they felt and who they are, and fortunately were able to take care of themselves.
Ive never had a proper mate - they were always on the ponce for something - and usually had a drink or drug problem. Yeah i had “drinking buddys” when i was a raging alcoholic - but they are not the type of people you would invite round your house.
When i wasnt with the girls - i was a lost soul for years. And i didnt trust many people cos im paranoid.
Feel exactly the same way
Been let done in very bad ways in the past
But I know that a portion of the blame is mine
I am no good at judging people accurately
Dont think anyone is to be honest dude lol.
The main issue was that even if I felt I was getting mixed signals, I’d let the bad slide
No way I’d do that now
But some people can be underhand
Just figured keeping out of it is the best bet
As you said about friends concerning drugs etc they were looking back times I should have done differently
We learn!
Hope your doing well now though @Naarai
Yeah done that many times, cos i was lonely.
Yeah im fine thanks @joker . You know plodding along.
Friends are your enemies with secret identities