I still hang back from love relationships a bit... And about the importance of sex?

[Anna1]

Ok, hi to all again!!!
Ok, in fact i progress now every day towards a real well being, but am still sz…
I really glimpse a better mind, friends now, so i’ll keep trying… And yes, now, that i fight, the meds help me and maintain me, i wouldnt have been able to get up in the morning if not them…
But i really wonder if i have bpd as well, i have now a new ocd thing too, plus the somatic disorder yeap… And i plan to get above all these, oh yeah!!!
In fact, one quack told me, that the sz is measures also in stages, by severity, i was probably severe for too many time, sheesh, i know…

Ok, the thing is, that since a very young age, i had this thing, where i couldnt deal with love affairs… I was pulling back from the guys, while i was still dreaming on them…
This lasted till now, am changing on that just now lol…
My point is that around that, i had almost no partners in my life, never a serious relationship either…
At one point, i tried to make more sex, it was hurting me even more… Maybe i was feeling good only for that, so used by the guys for this…
But now i know how important the sex is and that it also can heal and help…
The thing is, that currently, am still too headstrong and i still dont want a guy in my life, who’ll need to make love to me…
But even to me, this sounds as a quite closed sexuality…
In fact, my best ill friend, who is a sz too always loved the sex a lot, so she had it, now she has some love too finally… But the last time, around the loss of my online boyfriend, she said, that am too headstrong and that its a bit my fault, that i dont make steps towards the men already…
In fact now, i need to grieve, feel and cry, so i’'ll take that…
But didnt i lose a lot but closing myself so much to the sex and the love affairs?
Is it a sz thing to get hurt in love affairs or maybe more of a bpd thing in your opinion, folks?

Ok, i guess, that sex is quite important in life for both women and men…
But now, i cry about it and mainly, i dont want now to make it with someone totally accidental.

Ok, i’ll take your thoughts on all this and prayers that we’d be blessed all
Yes, it’s a total turn off, when the woman in front of you is poor in love and sex maybe, right???
Take care

[Persia]

I think you just need to change your mindset about it. I am literally the queen of being single and I love that about myself. I don’t need someone else in my life to define who I am. This is who I am. I like to think of myself as what a guy would call the “full package”… intelligent, attractive, compassionate, successful… etc., so finding a guy was never a problem. I just enjoy my independence too much. I would date, but usually only in open relationships. But I focused on the “friendship”, not the relationship, and any guy I dated knew if I was dating someone else as well. I was 100% transparent. I’d date the same guys for years at a time, but sometimes only saw them a few times a month, or less even. But that was my choice. That made me even more attractive in mens’ eyes as they had never experienced a woman that was so real and honest about what she did or who else she was dating, and several of those men thought we’d end up married one day. I did try a committed relationship back in 2014 for a couple years as I did somewhat yearn to have a family. But even though there is that part of me who yearns for more, it is just not who I am. Don’t look at being single as a bad or unusual thing. First, think about the reason you are single. If it is by choice, you need to embrace that about yourself, as it is not a bad thing at all… especially when so many relationships don’t work out these days. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have open relationships. I don’t recommend being promiscuous, but dating the same guy(s) in an open relationship, focusing on friendship and respect, sometimes leads to something more even if you aren’t expecting it.

[Anna1]

Thanks for the answer, Persia
In fact i was so sick, for so long, between 4 walls for 20 years, that i wasnt feeling even as a human being, less than a woman too, blaming myself for my illness, totally not feeling my real worth…
Yeap, i hear you, i basically work mainly on my mindset yeap, am surprised even how all my symptoms even change lately for the better…
Its sure, that i’ll need more timeand i am glad, that you’ve embraced yourself and that you seem free and happy, this is great!!!
Yeah, i am learning now to talk, to walk too etc, i was severe, but am finding some better world now too…
Oh yeah, now i sense my freedom, me too i can turn to be one good and free, awesome girl as you lol heh
Yes, we are special, but what a journey we can have with it, at least i know that now hah
All the best to you, me too, i’ll keep fighting here, great Persia!!!