Ok, so i am not sure if i have paranoia or anxiety, but probably both…
I was probably paranoid since a teen, so thats why maybe i’ll need years to recover on the fear, right?
I saw my pdoc, he didnt offer more meds, but said to take religiously the zyprexa… I dont have problems with it, ive always took it…
But in my worst, at my evenings, i feel like everyone can see, that i am a sz or a person, who has things to hide… its painful…
In the day, i alos feel fear from the people, i just get too stiffed and tense around, i am afraid to be shouted at, to be aggressed, things like that…
Tbh, maybe its a tricky thing to feel fine now, cause my ex pdoc was saying, that because of my paranoid thoughts, i have developed thinking deficits, plus i have emotional withdrawal (oppression of the emotions)…
So basically, i have to recover on a lot - the thinking, the emotions etc… When i am not scared, its still not ok, cause i dont have positive feelings yet or i just have strange thoughts in my head, a cognitive decline…
But is there truth in this, that if my paranoia was way too deep in my guts, this means, that i’ll need more time, than others, to heal on that? Yeah, i want my good thinking and my emotions too lol…
Does the paranoia go away slowly sometimes? I have painful psychosomatics because of it… My pdoc said, that nothing will help me more than the zyprexa though etc… But idk, i wonder if this fear will be eternal, its sad…
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Paranoia is bad. Anxiety is bad.
I think its your illness.
Have you met a therapist, could be good.
Can i hope, that my ap will help me with the time too?
Ive tried 11 other aps, none of them didnt get rid totally of my paranoia, some of them even made it worse… I even tried around this way too many aps, they are 12 here on the market…
I feel the paranoia even physically, i get weakness in my legs and arms etc etc…
Tbh, we have a big family problem now and my mother occupies me all the time and its just the apocalypse at home 
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