I don’t know if this belongs here but sometimes I feel like I’m in hell.
Sometimes it’s because of the way I’m feeling like lack of desire, enjoyments motivation etc but sometimes I look around me and see resemblance to the descriptions of hell.
Hate feeling this way. Feel like it right now. It’s a belief but it’s also emotional for me.
I had it happen once on my b-day… My parents took me to a super nice restraunt and i pigged out… Well when dessert came i freaked cause i was enjoying everything so much but i wasnt getting full, like it was a punishment that i was enjoying myself and the food would keep coming and id never would br satisfied cause id always be hungry… Never being satisfied is kinda what i think hell be like… To the point where its torture to want something right outta reach…
I have the notes for a new fictional tale about it written up about the six realms of existence that occupy Samsara.
I have written the notes and started the book where there are six personalities each occupying their space. i.e someone who lives as a god ( a person who lives in perfection not caring for others that much), another who lives as a demi-god ( a drug dealer who doesn’t care and does his evil without giving a damn), a normal human ( who crosses all of the realms and is the protagonist), an animal, a hungry ghost ( a drug addict) and a person living in hell ( a schizophrenic).
I aim to intertwine them in a story.
These are the six realms found in Buddhist terminology.
I agree that quite a lot of szs are living in a hell based realm, but that is just my spin on it.
I have the basics worked out, i just need to think some more on how to make it into a good fictional tale.
I believed the voices at one time when they said I was in a hell dimension to pay for some grave misfortune. Very scary thought.
Can you switch up your routine or something? Maybe have a go-to activity when this hits? Or maybe someone to call, I text my mom for reality checking sometimes. She’s across the country but still just a phone call away.
You aren’t in hell though, man. There are things worse than this. Imagine being blind or fully paralyzed.
I normally play the PlayStation if I’m feeling off to take my mind off things. I have my dog and I moved back in with my mum not long ago as I wasn’t functioning that great living independently but she works strange hours and shifts so she is working overnight tonight. She works like 36 hours straight sometimes it’s just ridiculous.
I do have my case worker I can call but she is on holiday this week.
I play games too, to keep things at bay and to have something to do. Online ones are fun! I went on discord for the first time to get together with some other gamers to take down a challenge in Diablo 3 for my switch. I also get my butt kicked with regularity on smash brothers ultimate, but I still have loads of fun. Shoryuken!
It’s nice to have a pet too, I don’t live with one right now and I kinda miss her. When I was up late the cat would chill with me sometimes.