I can tell I’m not getting better without medication. I’m still high functioning but I know I need help. I’m scared of the adverse reactions I may have and also scared I’m over the head of my private psych. I want to see a specialist eventually. Will keep everyone updated. Thanks for all the support.
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Best wishes. I hope everything works out.
Doc thinks it’s severe anxiety. She seemed agitated so I didn’t say “I think I’m schizophrenic” I just described what I experience and she didn’t seem too concerned. Gave me Xanax. I don’t know what I am experiencing now. Left with more questions. I don’t hear external voices nor do I have delusions about people out to get me or anything. Idk I could be withdrawing from a month of Clonazepam after the first episode. Now I have its more addictive little brother.
Going to look for a specialist after I get insurance this month.
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Oh Xanax. Good luck.
I don’t have external voices but I do hear things. I have more visual hallucinations than most on here I think. This disease is a complicated one. Do you mind if I ask your gender and age? Just curious.
Also, I’m posting a lot because I’m board, not trying to butt into all of your conversations. Feel free to tell me to butt out 
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Hi Alice I’m 32 male
Ok. Being over 30 does help your chances as functioning. They say it’s because we already have some life skills in place, unlike a teenager. I was about 33 when I had my first episode (I’m female). I know it’s hard to admit you have a long term illness but, if you do, it’s not the end of the world.
Benzodiazepines are only going to help you short term.
I have been on them for over a year before, and they mess with your memory after a while and became less effective.
I was finally put on a third line longer term treatment for Pregabalin.
It wasn’t working, but now since taking 150mg twice a day I have lost all my physical symptoms of anxiety.
My head is still a mess, but at least now it’s not so out of hand that I feel physically sick.
Yeah sometimes I get down on my self because I know I smoked (marijuana) my self to whatever I am experiencing. I’m undiagnosed rn which makes things more confusing. I remember just two months ago quitting weed and I was feeling great. On top of the world. Then I bindged during quarantine and here I am. I trust in God wholeheartedly and always have so we’ll see what happens next. (Not in a delusional way!)
I trust God too, not delusional. Having this illness has made me more compassionate so in some ways it’s been good for me.
Just trust your doctors and if you ever think they’re trying to hurt you, that’s a delusion. Try your best to remember that.
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During the past few months I had been praying to stop my marijuana use and have a better relationship with my mother. Safe to say I’ll never smoke again and I’ve pretty much only been hanging out with my mom watching TV and such. I love her and I love God. I’m crying now THANKS ALICE! jk 
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@Joker you are always articulate and helpful. You’re head doesn’t ever seem to be a mess on here. Sorry it’s a struggle for you though.
Yes thank you Fade. You’ve responded to a lot of my posts and I’ve been spamming lol
Thanks @Alice your comment has made my day
I am better at written communication, as I take my time and try to write in a considered manner and can check what I have written for any errors.
I don’t really get to socialise that much apart from a few internet forums.
I am used to the mess. It’s normal to me!
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