I remember before I got sick

I remember who I was before I got sick. I was past 30 when I had my first psychotic episode and I remember how much I used to get done. I remember being more social. It’s like I’m a completely different person and it makes me sad. I used to never write lists and now I live from list and my calendar so I don’t forget things. My kids have to remind me to make dentist appointments and pick up stuff for them where as before I was on top of it. Luckily I had them young so they’ve been teens this whole time but it still makes me feel bad as a mom.

It just makes me sad some days. I’m sitting here trying to get my brain organized for what I have to do today and I miss when organized was just who I was naturally.

3 Likes

I feel the same way. There’s been a massive cognitive decline from the way I used to be. And recently it took another noticible step down.

I use my phone to remind me of everything now.

1 Like

I was top of the class in university. 90s across the board. Then something happened, slowly my grades dropped to barely passing. Then i started posting nonsense on forums and got doxxed by some people. That sent me into paranoia, for about 2 months i was in a state of constant vigilance. It ended with me in the hospital and forced to take aps.

Now my life is alright, still have weird stalker stuff happening but it passes and im fine again. I totally understand about the loss of memory and drive. Whatever happened to me has had a lasting impact that affects my daily living and socializing.

1 Like

I feel like I can still learn and I enjoy learning new things. But ask me to file some papers and I need someone to give me the instructions. It’s so strange.

2 Likes

Mine began by me telling my family that I needed help but I couldn’t explain with what. I think I needed them to come care for me like a child. My kids would ask for something and sometimes I’d go it but have no memory of doing it. I couldn’t keep the house clean or figure out how to get my clothes together after a shower. Then one day I’m talking with people from the future and cutting holes in the ceiling.

I know they didn’t know what was going on but I spent a while angry at my family for not being there more. They acted like I was being lazy and I really wasn’t. I think they still don’t entirely get it.

1 Like

Medications bring much of the cognitive issues and not the disease itself. Anyway its needed to prevent positive symptoms.

1 Like

I’ve always been sick, so I don’t have any “before I got sick” moments.
I’m kinda glad, I don’t know what I’m missing.

3 Likes

Before I got sick I was a shy child fond of art, science, reading and nature. Got symptoms at 13 onwards (and my breakdown at 18) so I didn’t live much of my life beforehand.

1 Like

I was diagnosed 2 years ago, at 48, even though I might have been in the sz spectrum for decades, albeit on the milder end. However, I’ve suffered from severe ocd and recurrent depression since childhood, in short I remember my life before sz but not before illness.

1 Like

I was hardly doing anything before I got sick at age 19. I got out of high school at 17 and just partied and had a string of jobs working at restaurants, gas stations and department stores. I really had no plans for the future, I never had a lot of money and dropped my friends on my own accord. I don’t want to put myself down too much because I did have a lot of fun in those days and once I got my first car I had a lot more.

1 Like

I’m a whole different person too. Before I was sick with schizophrenia, I was a class clown at school. But now I hardly ever talk to people outside my family. It’s really sad to see the way this illness changes you.

1 Like

Well I managed to pull off about 4 hours of work at my job today and it was very productive. Now I’m going to spend some time straightening up and making sure I’m prepared for tomorrow. That’s it for today but it’s more than I’ve done other days this week so I an happy.

2 Likes

I also had 90+% in university physiotherapy before my sz 1st semester. I wanted to transfer to medicine. My grades started to drop to the minimum passing grade, sometimes I got a Dr note to skip an exam bcz I felt I will fail. Fear also increased, I used to test students and dissect dead bodies, I started stressing and have fear since I got sz, I couldn’t touch students or dissect dead bodies after my sz. Now I can’t watch blood, horror, even for video games. I still got my degree because the passing grade is 50%.

I got psychosis at 30. Before that I was a much different person, much more alive and happy.

I already had issues though for a long time.

Until i was 8 things were blissful. I was happy, relaxed, with good concentration and felt loved. Then my uncle decided to sadistically sexually molest me. I dont think i have ever really been fully happy or normal again after that. I cant really emotionally connect anymore to how i felt before that happened, but i can remember things were good. I have always longed back for that time.

2 Likes

I was 20 when I had my first episode. If someone asked me what they would feel when first being given news they’re schizophrenic it would be “It’s all down hill from here”. Strangely one of the things that makes me feel better is Coffee and also sleep and studying. I’ve been learning French on Duolingo, the site doesn’t work today, but I do recommend using Duolingo, it’s quite easy to use and you can do 10 minutes a day, learning a language.

1 Like

Do you have a job?

No I quit 15 jobs after 1-2 weeks while on Abilify 25mg, I was unstable on Abilify but less negative symptoms. Abilify gave me severe addiction and hypersexuality issues. Other meds give me very bad negative symptoms, I stay in bed all day everyday, only get up to eat or to play video games once a week. I am on Risperdal 3mg now, best med no side effects but severe negative symptoms.

1 Like

I didn’t get sick until I was 38. My son was in high school. I was a high functioning adult before I got sick. I accomplished a lot. I had a rough time from 38 to 45 but at 49 I am finally back at work.

I feel like I am functioning again but nowhere near the level I was at before I got sick. As soon as it gets dark I am ready for bed. The old me would be closing down a bar until 2 am or later.

3 Likes

I miss juggling classes in college, getting all A’s, socializing and driving home every night listening to the radio.

6 Likes

This topic was automatically closed 90 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.