I know this is long, and I’m sorry, but I haven’t been this clear of mind in a year and I need to get this all out there. Thank you if you read it all for being patient and extra if you reply!!!
So I’ve been depressed since forever and I think as a coping mechanism I started imagining things but now its 100% off the rails.
I hear voices, see people, have specific voices/characters, I feel stuff like people touching my arm.
I’m paranoid that people are watching me all the time, and I have delusions about coincidences meaning something or telling the future or having powers.
So I’m desperate in my moment of clarity to get some advice.
I get anxious going to therapy and went for awhile for depression but didn’t go back after it wasn’t working.
I had tried zoloft but all it did was make me worse.
I have a really hard time talking about it/ admitting it/ asking for help with it, and I haven’t told anyone in my life. It feels like when I try to admit it my body turns to liquid concrete or like… oobleck. Sometimes its not even another voice it just feels like I’m half detached from myself…
Part of the reason I stopped therapy is for money, and I just…need to hear it from someone other than me who can actually judge what I’m talking about that I need to get some help.
I feel like a jerk for saying that, but I also feel like that any time I ask for help.
I don’t know what to do…my mind says stay home and deal with it, but my rational mind says go get help.
I just don’t know if we have the money.
(Also if this is a lot I’m sorry, and if it’s in the wrong area sorry about that too, I’m new here…)