I posted here a year ago (update)

17m

Crohns

Humira

Possible schizophrenic birth mom.

About 1.5 years ago I started noticing symptoms (paranoia, mild delusions, mild visuals (distorted objects))

And I became convinced I was schizophrenic. Eventually after about 5 months went away except for paranoia, then about a 2 months after that I became mildly depressed for about 2 months then that went away. And from then on all I had was panic attacks, paranoia and anxiety. The panic attacks gradually got worse over a few months and eventually it became a daily thing. I woke my parents up multiple times convinced I was dying. I accepted I was going to die multiple times. Then I became convinced I am special and I’m going to become rich and famous, I made multiple Instagram accounts and had a full plan for how it was going to happen (a completely unrealistic plan) and I started telling people how I’m gonna be rich. Anyway after sometime that went away, I still think I could become rich but at the same time I think It’s unrealistic and sounds stupid. But recently in the past two months my schizophrenic stage is coming back and worse this time. I’m the most paranoid I’ve ever been (I think people poison my food, plates, drinks) I constantly think my gf is cheating on me. There was one morning were I was waiting for the bus and this old woman gave me a sweet, I thought she poisoned me and had a panic attack. I’ve hallucinated but only at night, I saw a clown hiding at the end of my bed watching me and I saw something hanging of my light (which Ik can happen to people with no mental illness). I’ve Been noticing a huge amount of coincidences that all link together and That’s convinced me we’re in a simulation or we don’t exist at all. I’ll notice things in my peripheral vision that aren’t there when I look. I don’t know if I’ve had auditory hallucinations, but I think i might of. My thoughts will sometimes become external. Even while writing this I stopped multiple times as I heard laughing coming outside of my room and I thought it was because I was writing this. (Which it could be). My girlfriend says there’s definitely something wrong.

Welcome back to the forum!

I had the computer simulation delusion too, but I believe the people are real. I believe it’s my brain malfunction that makes people appear as “bots”, and that as soon as my brain is fully healed, I’ll get my normal life back where people are real and I’m in objective reality.

Sikh belief has a notion that this reality is “Maya”, or “illusion”, but I don’t believe schizophrenia is the proper way to “pierce the veil”. So, I reject the schizophrenic narrative.

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It’s pretty weird, idk if I’m schizophrenic or not, to be honest I probably am not. But I have no way of getting it checked, so it doesn’t matter either way

The “everything is poisoned” phase is pretty suggestive of some kind of psychosis. Same with the “coincidences” (ideas of reference.)

Also, the propensity to make grandiose, unattainable plans for things suggests a manic phase.

Let’s hope it isn’t full-blown schizophrenia, but you should really see a psychiatrist about all that.

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I would but I can’t as I can’t tell my parents and theres apparently a year waiting list in my country.

You should really share this with them, they care for you.

Getting treatment ASAP is pretty essential in preventing a full-blown meltdown.

Unfortunately they don’t.
I’m just gonna wait till I’m 18 then get help

Okay, best of luck to you.

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Thanks for replying :smile:

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