The medication helps, but it’s making me so tired and it’s so tempting to just stop taking it. All this, despite the fact that I literally just got out of the hospital which was undoubtedly needed because I stopped taking my medicine for a few days. Why is this such a tempting thought? I know I shouldn’t stop. That’d be a terrible idea. In the back of my mind, there’s this thought that everything I experienced was real and the medication does nothing but keep me from seeing the truth. Before the voices or beings or whatever went away, they kept saying I’d be killed on or before my 19th birthday. I keep thinking that the medication might be a construct of the system. I’m telling myself that that doesn’t make any sense. It’s like when I was in the hospital and having delusional thoughts, the medication helped me to see them as just that; delusional. But now I’m not so sure. Why? I’m worried it was a mistake leaving the hospital so soon. I’m trying to just let those thoughts brush by because at the end of the day they don’t make sense. None of this makes sense. How could something not based in reality make so much sense at any point in time? I guess I’m just really confused. What do I do?
Keep taking your medicine. Make sure your doctor knows you’re struggling with compliance. Sometimes it just takes a while for things to really get better.
If you think you need to go back to the hospital, you can either talk to your doctor or go directly to the ER.
Good luck.
It’s going to better in the long run. You might feel bad right now but in the future you’ll get better. Keep taking your meds.
I went off my meds one too many times and now I’m on certification and court ordered meds. Honestly it’s really not that bad. Just an extra psychologist appointment once a month and Risperdal injections. The negative cognitive effects have scared me straight into never getting off my meds again. It simply isn’t worth it. It took me 4 years to recover.
When I was really struggling I kept feeling like the meds were cutting off my ability to see reality. It’s kind of a double edged sword because schizophrenia is opening our minds and we can see so much but it’s not always pleasant and it’s hard to function normally. Some of the things you see and the realities are hard to process because they aren’t always untrue. There is so much crazy ■■■■ in the universe you can think about but can never realistically explore or answer. For me it was a matter of understanding the door to explore the unknown was something I had to shut but also acknowledge. That was a very hard thing to do and meds were part of what helped me but I still have to actively process what my brain is and is capable of thinking. I came out of a severe episode and began reading a lot of philosophy books and older books on sociology and political science. It helped me see and processes this stuff but it also brought up so many more questions. It took time to work through but I still ready and explore but have learned when to check it and stop thinking. I’ve learned methods of distraction - mostly music through headphones - that can help begin a wind down process. I currently channel a lot of the questioning into art of some sort.
Meds will also make you tired but you can adjust to that a bit. If you’ve just been discharged from the hospital you may be on a higher dose of meds than you’ll end up on long term. It can take a month or more to adjust to the dose and the fatigue. It’s not an easy thing to manage. You have to see what you’re physically capable o managing in a day and build your life around that. You can’t push yourself to be up first thing and the morning and get to a job if you’re exhausted. You’ll crack. If you can get a routine in place with when and how long you sleep then understand what you can do throughout your day and not try to push through the fatigue you’ll be stable long term. Drug induced fatigue isn’t something you can fix with caffeine or anything. You really just have to deal with it as best you can unless you have an alternative Med that will
Possibly not make you as tired.
Really @TheBest? Your post has given me hope. Im on my third year after I relapsed and still praying for a miracle
When I stopped denying the fact that I have schizophrenia I no longer wanted to stop taking meds.
I have schizophrenia. That’s my reality. There is nothing I can do to change that.
You have schizophrenia, so stopping your meds isn’t going to change that fact.
Thanks everyone. I’m sorry for all this. I hear my ears ringing and it’s hard for me not to think that the beings are trying to break a wall in my mind so they can better communicate with me. I do feel better than I did before, but not better enough to not be slipping. I’m gonna try to make it to graduation without needing to go back to the hospital. I’ll talk to my doctor and tell him that I’m struggling to keep taking my meds, and maybe about trying something else. I’m gonna watch TV, try to distract myself from the thoughts in my head. It’s weird but I feel like I’m slowly becoming unhinged. That’s the only way I can describe it.
The fatigue went away for me a little at a time and is now gone. Please stay on the meds as proscribed. Takes time.
Right. And if the fatigue for some reason doesn’t go away after a long time talk to your doc to see about switching meds. Maybe something else will work for you
Yesterday I felt okay. Today I don’t feel okay. I want to be at home. I will try to kill myself. I thought I was scared of dying before, but facing death is another story. Now I’m terrified of dying. I don’t feel quite as tired now, which is good because I was exhausted earlier. It’s like the beings get me for a while and then I kinda come out of it, but there’s always a feeling that it’s real. My therapist says that, since I have OCD, it’s gonna be hard for me to accept the uncertainty of my delusions being false or true.
I hope u can stay on ur APs cos the more consistently u are on them the easier remission can become, including from the delusions u are having. My delusions went away after 3-4 months of consistently taking my meds.
I’m thinking that if I continue to remind myself what happened when I didn’t take my medicine (I had an episode during which I tried to kill myself), then I’ll stay on it. I don’t know why it’s hard for me to want to stay on them when something like that happened. The beings have spoken to me for 3.5 months, and the first time I’ve felt relief from it is this past week when I was put on Geodon and Risperdal. I prefer Geodon. It helped more. It would be easier to stop and not deal with the beings telling me how the meds are destroying my mind, but I know that’s a bad, bad idea. I have to resist.
That’s the thing u are at a stage where these delusions seem SO real…so I can understand why it’s putting u off medicine. That’s why we are here to remind u that this truly is a hallucination and I know cos I was in the same place as u it just felt so real. But with time u will hopefully see just how this was a hallucination afetr all, just like I did. You can do it just stay strong how u are now.
Thanks so much @anon90843118 I really appreciate it. Sometimes I think it’s different because I can’t often hear the beings talking to me, they communicate by putting thoughts in my head. But everyone keeps telling me they’re still hallucinations. It’s hard tobelieve that, but I’m trying. Now my mom says I have treatment resistant OCD. I didn’t know that OCD could cause hallucinations and delusions. It’s hard because I like some of the beings. They cause me a lot of grief, but it’s lonely without them. I don’t want them to go.
But u have only been on the new ap for a little while so its not necessarily treatment resistant there is hope. Plus u can try out other aps if this one is not for u after some time.
When weighing out the positive n negative surely the negative of the beings is worse if they are making u think about suicide?its just not healthy.
Sorry about them making u feel less lonely.
I hope u can find real life replacements for that without that extreme grief
If you’re struggling with taking meds, consider asking the doc for an injectable. Then you don’t have to worry about it on a daily basis.
I read most of your post (sorry for not reading it all), and I can relate. Like quite a bit. It’s different ofc. but I use to always think the medicine was just covering up the truth. A while ago I posted a thread titled “I drove in a direction until I ran out of money” (ie: no gas, food, or tobacco money). I felt like such an idiot. 3 hospitalization later (yes in just a couple months) I finally found a good combination of drugs. Best part: don’t feel tired.
Ask your doctor about amphetamine. I’d suggest Vyvanse, at a low dose and keep it low. Everyones different, and every pdoc has a different opinion. But it’s worth a try. edit: just so you know, any amphetamine drug paired with schizophrenia could result in a really really bad time. Dopamine and all that, just read about it and be informed before making a decision whether or not to ask your pdoc about it. /end edit
And about that last part you wrote, “not based in reality make so much sense”, I get it. I’m sorry. Good luck.
Really good advice.
Circleoffifths you are definitely going through a lot, take it day by day. The delusions can be hard to deal with but the medications can really help when you find the right one. It can be tough dealing with tinnitus too just stay strong and stay alive. We are here to give support