hey guys is it normal to hate everyone but not want to be alone hating life but not wanting to die hating yourself but loving your life cause that’s how my life’s been feeling lately I can’t shake it no matter how hard I try I just can’t shake the emptiness in my mind and body I feel as if nothing matters anymore I hate being 15 I also hate the idea of growing up but I want to grow up so I don’t have to hate my teen years anymore but I don’t want to leave my childhood behind I feel like everything’s just a distant memory that I can’t reach no matter how far I stretch I open my heart just for people to tear it into pieces so that’s why my heart’s gone cold that’s why I don’t want anyone to love me but I want someone to love me as much as I’ll love them
being 15 is kind of hellish no matter where or who you are, i feel like.
i don’t think your heart’s gone cold forever, but you kind of have to really not want it to be the case for it to not be the case, in my experience. sounds like you’ve dealt with a lot of people being shitty to you.
and … your childhood’s further in the past with every passing day, whether you want it to be or not, that’s really just how it is. hard to come to terms with but definitely possible.
I’d kill to be 15 again 
thank you for the support @zytroxide I needed this after a long week
well everyone’s experience is different ig 
That’s fair. I had a normal high school experience. I didn’t fall into my prodromal phase until I went to college
no worries. nothing was together for me mentally when i was 15 part due to generally unkempt mental health but also a huge part due to environmental factors making my … everything worse, so i saw a lot of me in how you expressed yourself.
well I’m getting bullied but it’s no biggie
…is that a bad thing?..
nah, i think it’s good you talked how you felt and were honest about it. i would have said if it was a bad thing!
oki sorry i’ve been so paranoid the past few weeks
I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have a counselor you can talk to?
yeah but they’ve already been dealt with
what do you mean by dealt with?
they’ve been suspended for a few weeks not the best solution but i’ll take what I can get
oh you must mean the bullies.
yeah I do but another good thing is i’ve been SH clean for three years
VERY very good!
i’m so proud of myself and to celebrate my mom promised a tattoo for my 16th birthday
i’m glad your mom’s an ally.