I’ve just come to the conclusion that I’ve never liked life or what it entails. I hate the inequality so many people experience (and am aware I can help but I also cannot solve everything). I hate studying, I hate working, I hate doing relaxing things/nothing. I know conventional success won’t take this pain away; I only desire success for the sake of helping my loved ones. I do love the people in my life but yeah, I’m not thrilled with my own existence.
I think my best bet is learning to be content in misery. I’m being treated for depression but this distaste for life feels distinctly different from depression. It seems like something I can live with but that will never go away.
I’ll reiterate that I’m not suicidal. I’ll keep living because may as well finish out the punishment of being alive lol.
Can anyone relate/offer advice for dealing with this?