Do you remember hating yourself a lot when you were younger?
It seems it was the only thing I ever thought about.
is that everyone?
Are some young people just happy?
I look at them and I think i understand the sentiment " i envy you the journey "
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Yes, I dislike the way I lived my life from age 17 till recently. I learnt from mistakes, pray for forgiveness, and forget it. I am close enough to 40.
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I’m 55, and I hate myself a lot now.
May I know the reason behind, why? @crimby (if it is comfortable for you to elaborate)
I spent most of my childhood often alone very depressed wondering why I was so different then others my age. I was different I always knew that. I also knew I was raised a lot differently than others my own age. Took my till I was 30+ to find out why. Taken me years of therapy to undo that damage and the battle’s still raging.
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I am 47 and I try to love myself, I lived my 20s in the US and elsewhere in the world.
hope your better now,i am also struggling around people because I am different,act differently,but I have got to push on…there is no other route but I hope too that the route I take leads me to a normal life,with happiness and contendment
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I’ll soon be 40. I was a mess growing up. Depressed and suicidal. I always felt alone and different. I started to dye my hair and pretended to be happy. I should have earned an Oscar. This was in the 90’s. Dying your hair green, blue or purple was not very common where I lived.
I give off a lot of cues that are hostile that I don’t mean. Just a few minutes ago I was waiting to see the physical doctor at our club house. My case manager had given me the day off, so I asked the nurse if I could see the doctor first so I could go back to my apartment. She agreed. Then, very much against my will, I started giving off hostile, insulting cues towards her. I could tell they made her angry, and she had every right to be mad at me. Then, when I went in to see the doctor we got in a long conversation that held everybody up who was supposed to see him. I could tell that the nurse really regretted doing something nice for me.
I am 50 years old and am a lot less angry compared to my younger years.
I was more symptomatic when I was younger and for a good number of years, I was not on any antipsychotic and was extremely delusional - of course the antidepressant that I was put on for years did not help my situation.
Maybe @firemonkey can set up a poll with everyone’s age -
I am sorry that happened to you just now.
Something is needed besides self-control. It wasn’t your intention as I also experienced the feeling of ‘against my will’ before. It is known that we as the sufferer of schizohrenia will often head to the opposite direction, for example, if people are happy with me, I will make them angry; if people are sad, I will motivate them; (something like laughing during funeral, or being depressed during wedding dinner), things like that happens to me too.
I’m always the contrarian too. If people are for something, I’m against it. If people are against something, I’m for it.
Yes, I have been told this is the ‘characteristic’ of schizophrenia.
I hated myself a lot when I was younger. I’ve done some pretty shitty things in my life and the guilt used to eat at me. I think that as I get older the self-loathing has diminished. I don’t hate myself anymore. I still feel regret for some of the things I’ve done but I’m ok with myself.
A lot of people bitch about getting old but I’ve found that as I get older I become wiser, more stable, and a better person.
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I knew deep down inside, I was different. I was suicidal at a very young age and I wrote crazy poems that had to be desroyed, god forbid someone should read them.
Frob the outside, you could not tell, but my first overdose at the age of 10 made my parents aware that I was sick, yet they chose to think of it as an accident. I was tortured by spirits and voices from the age of 16, and it only got worse from there. I do not consider myself stupid, but because of the illness, I dropped out of high school in 10th grade.
Do you just want a poll with age ranges ie under 18/18-24/25-29/30-34/35-39 etc?
hi @firemonkey, what about region where people come from?
Yeah I dont know @firemonkey sounds good to me, but whatever you think would work the best is just fine with me -
I totally trust your judgement
i hate my mind being in control of me…i hate being ill…i am struggling today.
take care 
I hope you find some relief darksith. Keep your sense of humor. My life is no picnic either.
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