I try to act positive and cheery but on the inside I feel broken by all I’ve gone through. I feel sad and that I never had a chance to be an innocent and joyful child. I feel angry I had to suffer alone for so long with no one noticing or trying to help me. I feel alienated from my peers because my experiences with life have been so different from theirs. I want to be happy but am terrified terrible things will happen to me if I’m happy for too long, because they always do. This is the honest truth.
I feel you, Anna. Just come to this site to vent. You will feel better after the venting.
I’m sorry you went through all that Anna. I feel angry for the same reasons, noone cared or helped… But things are starting to change now. Your friends are supportive and you told your mom, things will get better. If not, you’ll make them better being the strong person that you are
You are not alone ,terrible things happen to me when I have happiness.
I just had the coolest vacation in the world and now im having the worse time of my entire life being surrounded by demon/human hybrids that are invisible and constantly commenting on everything that I do .
I feel you on this one. Although once in a while someone surprises me, turns out they had similar experiences, but it’s just not the sort of thing you talk about over lunch at work or whatever. At least there is the internet where people can anonymously talk about anything. I had an abusive father, too.
You have PTSD, too, right? I if I remember your posts right. I think [quote=“Anna, post:1, topic:48804”]
I want to be happy but am terrified terrible things will happen to me if I’m happy for too long
Can be kind of like a twist on hypervigilance sometimes.
I can feel envious of other’s ability to lead a normal life too. It can be hard to stop. In AA they call that “judging your insides by other people’s outsides”.
I am so sorry, very similar things happen to me as well. Hope things look up again for you soon. I swear it’s like our brains want us to be miserable.
Thanks Anna! Back atchya.