I literally was out of it. I am not sure if I like this reality. Someone get me out of this. I hate it so much
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Lols I defo don’t miss it… So glad to be gone from that terrible disease, today.
Although I don’t know the future 
We like you here at least this is some kind of escape isn’t it… The forum…
I just feel that I was better off neutralised in some way, as I am finding things really difficult at the moment with what happens to me after I finish my current project.
When I was psychotic, I had no idea what was happening to me, and there is something about being care free that is appealing.
Sorry I am rambling.
I like this forum and the people here, it’s just what I do outside of all that which is a mess
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I get what you mean, ive thought the same in the past. There is some strange pleasure in being blissfully unaware when i was ill.
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Round peg in a square hole (Or vice-versa) is how I feel at the moment.
The recovery model I understand works for a lot of people, but I see there is a lot missing that is out of my reach, and I am on a downturn at the moment due to my employment situation
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Not me, being delusional for me was basically torture.
You know I am with you in some ways. There can be something magical about psychosis. I don’t miss the crippling fear and horrifying hallucinations. I miss the excitement of it. Being psychotic is constantly hugely exciting. Something huge and mysterious was always going on, some complex story line with myself as the main character.
Nowadays any excitement I feel feels so tepid in comparison.
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I used to think that I had super powers like controlling other people and that was awsome. Now that I’m not psychotic I only suffer from a lot of anxiety from the aripiprazole 
I had to come off this med as it ruined my sleep, made me anxious and agitated.
This being “normal” is a weird gig. Not sure how people can do it there whole lives. I hate taking meds and do miss being able to slip away mentally some times. DBT helps more than meds. I hope you find peace.
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In the beginning, my psychosis was like this new world where everything was magical and this new reality opened up infinite possibilities. Signs were everywhere, and were guiding me.
That period didn’t last long, and things took a nosedive pretty fast.
The voices soon became persecutory, and friends and family turned into threatening people. That magical universe imploded, and suddenly everything became signs pointing to suicide.
I don’t really miss being psychotic, as the chaos that came with it totally upended my life.
My life feels like chaos to me, as I lack any purpose, and I just get frustrated with things.
I am getting tired of grinding through week by week. Day by day. It’s starting to take a toll on me, and I feel things were much simpler when I had no idea what was happening to me.
The appeal of the danger created by being psychotic I want right now is pretty much to escape from all this.
I don’t want to be conscious in the reality that others subscribe to, as it’s not great at all.
I think for me it’s too dangerous to stop the meds though so I won’t recommend it to anyone 
Sorry I meant I switched to another AP until I found a level of tolerance
Yea, the monotony of the day to day can wear down on anyone for sure.
It sounds similar to those of us who experience the highs and lows of bipolar-- from what I’ve read, people with bipolar often long for the manic phases of their illness, as they have boundless energy and everything is exciting. Some even go so far as to try to induce those manic states in order to chase that feeling.
Psychosis, as alluring as some scenarios can be, would just be taking a step forward and like, a billion steps backwards. Your brain would certainly suffer, as would other aspects of your life.
From an outsider’s perspective, it sounds like you just need a break from routine.
I hope you can find something you enjoy that will get you out of this slump, @Joker.
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Thanks @Schztuna I hope so too. I will stick with treatment, but my case worker is getting a phone call tomorrow, as this weekend has been tough
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Naw, I hated it. I still get some of it like most of the day. It’s mainly thoughts and me being stuck in my head smoking cigs and drinking caffeine.
I miss being sick but my psych really scared me when she said that people have been killed while psychotic. I would rather take my meds more than get my doctor angry.
I hear you, @Joker. The expectations are incredibly high when you aren’t floridly psychotic. There is no middle ground. Also, I’ve experienced hallucinations since a very young age. When my medication was high, there was complete silence. I couldn’t deal. It was so unfamiliar. And to be honest, I missed some of my hallucinations. They had been with me for over two decades.
@Jaybird1 Welcome to the forum!! Glad you posted!! Happy to have you!!
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