A lot of my posts about him have an element of humor but it does get serious here. A lot. What’s weird is the guy has some crazy stuff he does that I can’t describe. Yesterday, I was at my wits end with him. But when it comes to dealing with jerks who only want a rise from you, maybe I’m getting smarter.
Yesterday, I thought to myself, “Just give up, you can’t win.” It really disturbed me and rubbed me the wrong way but then I thought, “Calm down, you’re tired, you do win a lot and just accept that you lost today. Admit defeat for today.” But I know I always feel better after a good nights sleep and no matter how many times I’ve lost to the idiot, it works out that my experience will always be with me and I keep trying.
But I’ll know within a week if the woman who they brought by today is going to move in. She’s OK I guess. Might be a little bit hard to handle. Being nice didn’t seem to be her main character trait but she has a volunteer job and won’t be having many visitors, she says she cleans up after herself.
I don’t mean this in a mean way but I’m glad she isn’t good looking or in her 20’s or 30’s. That would complicate things. She’s average looking like me. All I mean is that a good looking woman would eventually use it against me. But she’s about 50 years old. I’m 58 in a few days. So we’re both mature and won’t be playing any games. Just another roommate. I know no one likes to hear negativity here.
Always unpredictable with new room mates so wishing it all goes well for you. I lived in a lot of share houses when younger and eventually just paid more to live by myself when I was working. Most of those people were friends or known to me and not randoms. Randoms was always a crap shoot.
Thanks. Yeah, I’ve lived with roommates most of my adult life. I guess all that experience will come in handy. It’s a crapshoot alright but maybe we’ll end up on the same side and get along and help each other.
IDK, things just get weird. My sister pointed out that I have no reason to complain. Her words were, “No one’s yelling at you, no one’s cussing at you, no ones pushing you.”
But nevertheless, the situation is that I just feel I have no personal space. It’s like I show any sign of life this guy and sometimes his roommate quash it (me) like a bug.
After having schizophrenia since 1980 when I was 19 that I felt the condition of (I never get this word right) of adenhonia (?) , I thought I never feel pleasure in life which many people here can relate to. But I found that spark of life in me finally and just like I beat schizophrenia by working for more 30 years I was determined I would bring that spark out and beat schizophrenia again and live happily fulfilled until I die. And I survived a group home at age 56 living this way. I’m sorry but this is cathartic to write this.
I barely survived my last roommate who had a violent past and tried to destroy me, I stuck up for myself but no one (except maybe him) knows the hell I went through with him for a year. I told him (in the faint hope he would change) that whenever he was home (when he was not out smoking pot or drinking) I felt backed up against the wall.
The guy was hypersensitive from living on the streets in Mexico and brain damaged, but he told me enough stories to get an idea of what he was about. We came close to blows and things got scary often. I’m not talking magic but he knew every time the thought of a physical fight crossed my mind. He was tuned into it and made this crazy noise and threatened immediately.
Anyways he never changed but when he moved out and things got quiet I realized how crazy every day of the past year had been. And I moved into the next bigger room and I thought it was a new start, a time to process the past year, get a little well-earned space and de-stress. But the jailbird upstairs had different plans and it’s almost completely the same. No peace, I’m not sure what world you guys live in but I live in a world where showing personality or just simply stopping and thinking are seen as power and reasons to get destroyed (at age 57, almost 58).
The power of the mind. Instincts. intimidation. Sick, 300 lb bully alcoholic. Control. So far only my 25 year old nephew and my pdoc knows what I’m talking about. And to be honest and not make myself look so I am innocent or some kind of saint, yes, when it got ridiculously unbearable I cussed him out a few times and maybe banged on a wall or two in anger and frustration. I admit, sometimes I want something for nothing and maybe I tried to learn a little bit about life by using him but I didn’t set out to. I only want what I’ve earned in life. But now this 30 year old guy quashes every sign life. I can understand that I have to take crap from people but now he’s learned he can get away with using me and now even stuff that I earned a 100% in life on my own is effectively destroyed. This has to make a little sense, right? Its not all in my head, right? When you have a 30 year old man slamming things above you at the slightest provocation isn’t that reality? No one is going to read this far but I would welcome any feedback. The counselor agrees with a little of this. She acknowledged a little of this. I probably shouldn’t have written this but I’m going to post it anyways… It would help immensely if someone just understood at least some of this. I’m truthfully happy its buried in this thread. The guy gets in my head, and physically threatens.