To commit suicide one day. I am working on coming to terms with it. I know it’s a touchy subject. People are not going to leave me alone. Neither is the illness.
Please don’t Roxanna. If you feel that way call 911 and get some help. You are not alone in the struggle with mental illness. It would hurt those that surround you who care for you as well as the community here at schizophrenia.com. There have been moments when I have felt that way myself. My suicide is not out of the question, this does not mean I will allow me to dwell on such a thought. It is loneliness and longing which seems to cause such thoughts sometimes. However, other times it is sadness. Please remember, there are good people out there who hurt for every suicide. I know I’ve lost a friend and more to it. We mist be strong for them and make the change they once saw… a world where there is still happiness.
I am being tortured by my mind.
What ails you? I know the feeling of being distraught. If you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay too. I can share what troubles me but it is not regarding myself alone.
Intrusive thoughts. Paranoia. My medicine is not working. It’s causing things to get worse.
2 Likes
You said the meds arent working to stop or tame your symptoms. This is likely why you are feeling the way you are. You need to inform your doctor of this.
I am getting the impression, from your post, you are feeling a bit worn down from the symptoms. Am i correct in this?.
I really think you would feel better if you could ditch even one symptom or lower the severity of more than one.
Yes. Loxapine increased the severity of the symptoms .I have told my doc about this. I see him October 6th.
@Roxanna you are a dear friend.
I urge you to live ,and , if possible to try to improve your health.
Don’t give up.
1 Like
i know the feeling to want to end your life please don’t. try to get to see your doctor.
It is down to patience then. This is hard to do, but it will be worth it.
My hopes for you is that you remember this post in the future and think " wow. I can not believe i thought that."
A lot of people here have come a looooong way in their improvement. lots of guidance and help posted here.
You said you already told him? Did he say the symptoms will get worse before getting better?
This might be a good question to ask here. I would post and ask questions about the medicine.
No he didn’t say they would get worse. I was on perphenazine and amitriptyline for more than five years. In August he put me on loxapine. I got worse and went to a crisis treatment center and got on haldol. Haldol caused chest pains so I reverted to taking loxapine until October 6th. Loxapine kicked in on September 22nd. I know this because I hadn’t felt any drowsiness it other side effects until the 22nd. Then the worsening of my symptoms increased.
1 Like
if you feel it getting worse everyday then you might call the clinic to see if you need an appointment sooner.
You are not suicidial? You feel in control of yourself enough that you know you will harm yourself? If you have doubts, then better to make safety plan for yourself. Such as have a number ready.
Oh please hold on @roxanna.
Make a sooner appointment if need be.
@roxanna Please live.
Is there a crisis line or anyone you can call or talk to? Maybe a close friend or relative who can help kinda “ground you.”
I’ve called a crisis line multiple times in the past.
They are there to help.
1 Like
It doesn’t have to be true. You don’t HAVE to commit suicide. I gurentee that there have been many people who are worse off than you that don’t commit suicide. There have been many suffering people before you and there will be many suffering people after you who are under the worst conditions you could imagine who survive. I’m not minimizing your feelings or your thoughts but hell, I am crazy as a loon but the only reason I stick around is the 10 cans of tuna for only ten bucks at Safeway. Sorry, just trying to cheer you up with inappropriate humor.
When I had my 8 month torturous extended visit in the locked psyche hospital I thought I HAD to commit suicide. I was firmly convinced of this. But then a weird (or lame depending on your point of view) thought struck me that I just needed another human being to tell me I didn’t have to kill myself and that if another human being told me I didn’t have to kill myself than it would be true. It worked!! That was in 1982 and now at age 56 I’m about 50% convinced I’m still alive.
I have 37 years and counting of paranoid schizophrenia. Even on my worst days I’m glad I’m around. Life is like that. There’s beauty all around that can crop up at any time. It may not be there for a day or a month or 5 years but it’s still there waiting for you enjoy once the storm passes.
1 Like
Please call 9-1-1 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) for immediate assistance.
Thank you. I’m just at a point to where I want to give up. People talk about me where ever I go. I had a hard time sitting in a restaurant today to eat. I can’t tell if it’s paranoia, real or not. I just want relief. You’ve had p sz longer than me. I’m only 36. Nick after all this time, what do you find helps besides the medication in changing the situation?
I covered suicide in my previous answer.
Knowledge and experience.
I can hardly claim I’ve been around the block except maybe I sneaked around it a couple times. But knowing that people are usually harmless, friendly and most of them give you a fighting chance to be friendly back. It probably won’t help if I tell you that you are not the center of attention in public. I’ve been through that and I still am to a degree. Liking people and being around them is the best medicine. I have a lot of support. My sisters have always been there for me and so have my step-mom and step-dad.
My advice is to reality checks with people who are trying to help you. If you are out in public and you are with someone that you can trust, even just a little bit, just run a few of your fears by them for 10, 20 or 60 seconds and they most likely will tell you the truth which is that nothing is happening. It is what it is. People are just walking around and doing their own thing. Hell, half of them might even like you. I don’t think I’m helping much but this is what I’ve learned.
Keeping busy takes a load off of your mind too. And getting space if possible by maybe going to the park and just sit there. I go to the park with a little paranoia and then it dawns on me. I’ve been to the park a million times and no one beats me up, no one harasses me. No one gives me a second look, no one deliberately causes trouble. In fact if I see someone walking their dog, I know from experience that it is a great chance to make a compliment about their dog and it is a great chance to enjoy a little much needed positivity because dog owners walking their dogs are some of the most friendly people you will meet. Dogs are great ice breakers.
OK, yes, I feel like giving up too many times. But it’s actually harder to give up then it is to keep fighting. You need to have good experiences to focus your mind and train it to have positive thoughts. Really. The guy who wrote the book about thinking positivly had some good points. “You are the sum total of all your thoughts.” If you let people be friendly to you it makes life a lot easier. Even as schizophrenics, some people care what we think and lots of people care if we like them or not. That means we count.
This answer is not my best work but generally this is how life works a lot of the time. Unfortunately we complicate simple things that don’t need to be complicated. I would say if you are up to it, to join some kind of support group. I belong to one and it is OK most of the time. It is for people with various mental illnesses but there are other schizophrenics there. A lot of them talk openly about delusions and symptoms but I don’t do that. But I don’t judge them because I’m not at that point yet. But heck, the crowd won me over by laughing at my stupid jokes.
I don’t go regularly but I have made some helpful comments and observations which were well received. In life, everyone has something to contribute and the majority of people have potential. Sometimes people can see their own potential but sometimes it takes someone else to point it out. Both ways are OK… I’m sure you know a ton of stuff that could help me more than I could hep you, lol.
But yeah, I’ve been suicidal a lot but the bottom line is that talking about it to even one person can help you deal with it. I hope this helps a little. You have as much right to be on this planet a anyone else. You matter and you might be able to help someone else somehow which would help both of you. Good luck and be careful. Tomorrows a new day, a new beginning. Change takes effort but it does not always take courage. Courage helps but its not mandatory. Sometimes all it takes is a little effort. Good luck again, I wish you well.
1 Like