I know I scare my sister

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My brother-in-law has told me before, though this was years ago, that my sister is constantly worried about me. She probably worries that one of these days she will get a call that I am dead (suicide).

She’s justified in being afraid of that, considering that’s probably what it’s going to come down to for me one day, suicide, Hell, I already picked out the method (hanging), just a matter of when I do it. Could be next month, could be next year, could be ten years from now, but it’s coming eventually.

I feel bad that I scare her the way I do, but I don’t see much I can do about it. I don’t talk suicide around her, try to shield her some, but she’s not stupid. At least she’s the only person left in the family to still have to worry about me and be hurt when I die. This topic is a bit morbid, but it’s on my mind right now.

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Very dark post,

I guess I’m happy you’ve put these thoughts in writing though.

Sounds like your sister really loves you and its just normal for her to be worried.

Is she older or younger?

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She’s about a year and a half older than me. She still refers to me as her “little brother” lol.

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Yeah,

That’s just how older siblings roll.

We worry, sometimes about legit things, sometimes nonsense things.

I still call my sister my “little sister” and she’s got about 5" on me.

She loves you and she cares about you,

And is worried about serious stuff.

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If you don’t like her worrying about you imagine how she will feel if you kill yourself. I’m sure she would feel a lot worse.

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True, and those sorts of thoughts have kept me from killing myself before. I don’t always think clearly when I’m suicidal, though.

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Stay alive for the better days on the horizon and for your sister who clearly loves you.

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What meds are you on? They could be the reason partly you feel the way you do about suicide. What you’re on and what you’re not oThings will get better if you find the right meds i bet. Your sister would be devastated if you killed yourself. You should always remember that when you get in suicide mode.

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I am on Wellbutrin, Abilify Maintena, Lamictal and Haldol. Wellbutrin really has been the best antidepressant for me; I have to take a large dose, 450 mg/day, but it does better for me than other antidepressants, with fewer side effects. I have been tried on damn near every antidepressant. Well, I’ve never tried Paxil or Viibryd, those two jump to my mind.

I no longer look at suicide in a depressed emotional way. I look at it very objectively and logically, and I think that suicide is simply the most likely outcome for me. Things are not exactly going great, so it could come sooner rather than later, and I accept that.

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I’ve fought a lot with suicide myself. When I was younger part of the reason why I didn’t do it was because my parents would be upset. Now I have my family to think about. When I’m suicidal, I think that if I died, my husband could find a replacement for me. But then I remind myself that no one no matter how good can replace someone’s original mom that they grew up with. And I eventually manage to calm myself down. (Note, this hasn’t happened since I started taking the highest dose of celexa. Now I don’t get this depressed anymore.)

I hope you can find some positive things about your life to help calm you down when feeling suicidal. Also, perhaps you could mention this to your pdoc? that you decided a method and all. I had to mention it to my pdoc on paper. I could not bring myself to talk to him about it any other way.

Maybe you need your meds adjusted. I know I did when I first started taking meds. At first it seemed like it was making things worse (or things were getting worse on their own).

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If I think of anything bad happening to my brother, I go crazy. I can not handle it. Even for my sister.
We are very close and I love them a lot, even though I have been living away for the past 10 years, I still care so much about them and wish them to be healthy, happy, alive.

My brother is like you, he easily gives up, I don’t blame him. He has a girlfriend, he wants to get married, he does not make enough money to be able to afford his own place, pay for a wedding. The girl is so nice, I wonder how she is still with him, it is a bit strange for me to analyze. I guess she loves him.

Why have you given up hope so much. You are far way more functional than many of us.
You stand on your own two feet and still have a lot of opportunity to plan your life out, meet a new girlfriend, have some fun, maybe do some traveling. You have a lot of years ahead of you and why settle for such a sad ending?

I am suicidal too but I don’t think for a second of killing myself one day. I suffer through emotions and phases. Killing myself will make a sad life much worse. I can not let that happen to me.

Just hang in there and get it together for a bit, you never know what the future holds, you survived so much so there is still a lot to do.

Make some new goals for yourself, plan some new activities, start going to the gym, try new recipes, maybe chat with some girls, I am sure there are a ton of women who are single and looking for someone to hang out with. There is nothing wrong with you, you have a job, some pets, good looks so just believe in yourself and keep it going.

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